Now the real tournament starts Canada V Morocco and France V Paraguay in the last 16

After three weeks of football, we are finally on familiar territory as the round of sixteen begins tomorrow. The names are more familiar, the rivalries are steeped in tradition, the football purists will be happy. There are still one or two teams who we would not normally see at this stage and incidentally, two of those are playing today.

In fact, twelve out of the sixteen top ranked teams according to the rankings of the Evil Empire have made it through to the last sixteen. The teams who are missing are Ze Shermans, the Oranjeboom, The Croats and the Spaghetti munchers who did not even qualify for the tournament.

The first game sees one of the three host nations and of the three I would say the most surprising that has made it this far. The land of the Mounties, the lumberjacks, a nation more interested historically in Ice Hockey then the beautiful game, of course I am talking about Canada. This is the furthest they have ever been in a World Cup partly due to the change in format.

They have an American manager who likes to sing and dance on the touchline in a very performative, look at me I am the story kind of way.  Some of his tactics are questionable to say the least, they do have one or two good players who play for European teams, especially Alphonso Davis from Bayern Munchen, but he was injured recently and has not featured as much they would have liked.

Their attack has their best players, the wonderfully named Promise David from Union St Gilloise, Jonathon David, no relation who plays for Juventus in Italy and Cyle Larin who plays for Southampton in the English Championship.

Alphonso Canada Star man

 

Can he deliver up front?

 

 

The Lumberjacks are up against the Fez Heads from Casablanca. The Fez heads are ranked sixth in the world and reached the Semi finals in the last world cup. They are very well organized and should have far too much all round power for the Lumberjacks to deal with.

Led by their captain Achraf Hakimi, an integral part of the current European champions Paris Saint Germain, they are stacked with talent all over the pitch, the other star I will mention is Brahim Diaz who plays for Real Madrid.

On a sidenote Hakimi is facing charges for an alleged rape when the world cup is over with the case due to be heard in Paris.

 

Diaz the magician

Hakiki likes to get forward

 

The second game sees another surprise team Paraguay take on the Escargot from France. I use the term jokingly as Les Bleus have definitely not been slow so far. Far from it, they have been blisteringly quick going forward with a front four which is the envy of every team in the tournament.

Everyone goes on about Mbappe and Dembele, but in my eyes the player that makes this team purr like a Lamborghini is the little lad from Crystal Palace. Born to a British Nigerian father and a French Algerian mother, he had to decide who he would represent and sensibly he chose Les Bleus. This young man is just a joy to watch, the vision he has for some of his passes is just ridiculous.

As a born Englishman it pains me to see how much talent the current Frogs team has. Another player who is only twenty one is Desire Doue who plays for PSG, he is another one of the current best players in the world, these two supplying the aforementioned superstars is why Les Bleus will be so difficult for anyone to beat.

 

Olise, oozing skill

Doue, yes, he can

 

 

This game should have been against the old French enemy Le Boche, but Ze Shermans as we all saw are a former shadow of themselves and failed to beat Paraguay, thus meaning Paraguay are playing in this game. Paraguay were very lucky when VAR intervened in their favour to disallow what probably would have been a winning goal for Ze Shermans.

Gill will be very busy

Enciso, can he nick another goal?

I cannot see them troubling Les Bleus in the slightest, thus giving us a titanic quarterfinal match up between the Fez Heads and the Frogs Legs.

 

I’ll be back on Sunday with the previews of the Samba Kings v the Vikings and the Sombreros v EnGerLand, both fascinating games.

 

The end of the round of thirty two, David V Goliath, Could the sensational happen?

All three results went as expected last night, and surprise, surprise, the cork boys won after the manager found the cajónes I referred to yesterday and substituted a visibly upset Crybaby.

Today we will finish the last thirty two with three more games. Starting the evening, we can have a plate of Meze, perhaps some Baba Ganoush and some Hummus or and here is where it gets interesting, the choice being indigenous based or modern cuisine. For the indigenous option, we have seared Kangaroo Loin. For the modern one, we will go with some Moreton Bay bugs (it is lobster, not bugs!) I was disappointed not to find another shrimp on the Barbie as an option.

The Socceroos (a stupid name) and the Pharaohs have never played competitive matches against each other.  The Pharaohs were unbeaten in the group stages with draws against the Brussel Sprouts and the Ayatollahs, plus a victory over the All Whites (that is their official moniker) from New Zealand. They were holding on for dear life against the Ayatollahs, and there is no doubt that the boys from the Nile Delta are wholly reliant on the Prince of Egypt Mohamed Salah, the Liverpool striker.

The boys from down under, braved the heat to beat the Turkish baths, lost to the US of A and then conveniently played out a scoreless draw with Paraguay to ensure that both nations would go through. This is a side with no standout players, they are an honest hard working side as one would expect from an Aussie team. This is a hard one to call. I will say, that if the Socceroos can stop the Prince of Egypt, they will go through to the next round where they would be facing the winner of our next game.

The main course tonight features a choice between some Asado with Chimichurri or Cachupa,  a slow cooked stew from the archipelago of Cape Verde.  Messi et al against the Blue Sharks.

One cannot have a more David versus Goliath clash than this. The three times winners and current holders against the upstarts from Cape Verde, who have become the Cinderella of the tournament. No one gave the Blue Sharks any chance of advancing to this stage, but they drew all three of their group games, including an unbelievable scoreless draw with Espana.

Los Gauchos have had an easy time of it to date, they could even afford to rest Messi in their final group game against the Camel train from Petra, although he did come on to score taking his tally to six so far. The Argies may not have a hard looking game, at least on paper until the quarter finals, where they may face the cartel neckties, assuming no surprises occur.

This may be a bridge to far for the Blue Sharks, and as much as we may want it, I think this will be the end of the road for them.

One more game to cover, on offer is some Tres Leches cake from the hills of Colombia or Nkate cake from the West coast of Africa namely Ghana.

The cartel neckties have been going about their business in a an efficient manner, disposing of their first two opponents before drawing with the cork boys in a game they probably should have won, but it was not that important to really win, so they played within themselves.

The Black Stars (after the black star on the national flag) gave both EnGerLand and the boys from Kings landing a fright, but ultimately only had a victory over Panama as they finished in third place. While they should be a tough nut to crack, the cartel neckties should have enough about them to squeeze the black stars out.

So that is it, we have covered all the games in the last thirty two and will now move on to the last sixteen. Stay tuned.

Will it be Viva Espana tonight? the last thirty two continues

Last Night was not as bad as I feared. EnGerLand were very lucky to turn it around against a resilient DRC side. I have no problem with my going for Senegal, they should have won, but the Brussel Sprouts must be given some credit for not giving up.

That was a dodgy penalty, when VAR takes seven minutes to decide, it seems to me that they are looking for some reason to give the penalty. The US of A were comfortable. My problem with the red card shown to Balogun is that as I mentioned in an earlier post, Messi did a very similar challenge with much more intent, I thought last night it was accidental, and VAR did not even take a second look at the Messi one. It is one rule for Messi and a different one for everyone else. It stinks to be quite honest.

Tonight we will open with either some Tapas or some Vorspeise, the people from the land of the sound of music like to start with soup, and I have picked for you some LeberKnodelsuppe.

The Flamenco dancing Spaniards, do not seem to have woken yet from a long siesta. They were definitely asleep in their opening game against the Blue Sharks of Cape Verde, they brushed the oil sheikhs aside with an exciting first half display but then struggled to a narrow victory over Uruguay in a somewhat fractious game.

The Lederhosen boys, lost to Messi et al, beat the mighty camel drivers from Jordan with some difficulty and were involved in a very dodgy 3-3 draw with the Algerians. Nothing to write home about.

I think I mentioned in a previous post that Espana has a habit of starting tournaments slowly. If they play to their potential, they should have more than enough to best a rather dull Austrian side They played each other in 1978, back in the days before Espana had become a world force in the game.

 

 

The main course is another all European affair with the other team from the Iberian Peninsula against the men from Kings Landing. You can choose between Polvo a Lagarerio or Pasticada.  as Portugal face Croatia.

As with every game we have covered with the cork boys, the question revolves around what role will CR7 aka crybaby Ronaldo play in the game. After an awful first game, he came back with two goals against Uzbekistan, and all his acolytes were singing hallelujah.

However, in the final game against the cartels from Colombia, he returned to being a peripheral figure. Will the Portuguese manager have the cajónes not to start Crybaby? I very much doubt it.

The Croats also have an aging star, who looked very off the pace in their opening defeat to EnGerLand, but improved in their next two games, Modric plays in midfield and like Messi for the Argies can be compensated for his reduced pace by the players around him.  CR7 as a striker and supposed focal point has a harder time of it because of the position he plays to be fair.

The sides have never faced each other in a world cup, but Portugal definitely has the upper hand in all their competitive meetings to date. This will be another very tight struggle and despite all what I have said, I will go for the Cork boys to float to the top.

For Dessert, we could stay simple and just have some chocolate but let’s be a bit more adventurous and have a choice between Cremeschnitte from the land of the cow bell ringers or some Makroud and Baklava from the largest country in Africa, Algeria.

Switzerland and Algeria have never faced each other in a competitive match. The Swiss won their group, but did not look convincing, highlighted by the fact that they only managed a draw against Qatar.  The Berbers, qualified in third place and as already mentioned were involved in a remarkable game with the Lederhosen, a result which ensured that the Ayatollahs were eliminated and that the Lederhosen would play Espana, rather than the Berbers playing Espana.

The Berbers a former French colony have 12 players who were born in Gaul, but despite one or two stand out players they are not a strong side. The cow bells should be ringing loudly tonight, and the echo of the yodels will be reverberating around the Alps.

This will leave us with one more triple header to preview before the start of the last sixteen on Saturday, which due to logistical reasons, means that I will put out a double header tomorrow.

 

EnGerLand and the US of A headline the games tonight in the last 32

Last night, normal service was resumed with all three games finishing without last minute goals or the need for penalties. Les Bleus were magnifique and probably should have scored six. The Viking warlord scored his goal to set up a mouthwatering game against the Samba Kings. The Viking post game celebrations are a lot of fun. 

I have to admit that I was wrong about the Sombreros, they utilized their home team advantage to the full and the Blue footed boobys were wrong footed.

I fear that today that the food we shall mention here may be somewhat more exciting than the football that we shall be served up with.

So, what is on the menu today?  well, we could have a Scotch Egg (nothing to do with Jockland) or a prawn cocktail or some Congolese Kamundele. Yes, of course, today EnGerLand begin their real quest for the holy grail in a very tough match against the Democratic Republic of Congo, formerly known as Zaire.

The history of the DRC, a large country in the middle of Africa has been gripping over the past sixty years, since their independence from Belgium. In footballing history, they were the first Sub Saharan African nation to appear in a world cup back in 1974 when they were known as Zaire.

Zaire, as a country, stayed in the news that year when the biggest ever heavyweight fight, known as the rumble in the jungle took place in Kinshasa, between Ali and Foreman, an event which had the largest worldwide television audience to date at that time.

English connections to Zaire go back to the 1960's when the war ravaged nation was a favourite hunting ground for mercenaries led by mad Mike Hoare, who made themselves famous. In fact, a film titled The Wild Geese was made based loosely on their exploits.

Despite having large natural reserves, it is a poor country, and this might help explain their long absence from the world cup. They may well prove a tough nut to crack, in a similar fashion to Cote D'Ivoire yesterday, as they have a number of players who ply their trade in the top European leagues.

EnGerLand have not been impressive, they have done enough to get this far, but they will have to play better than they have to date to beat the DRC. To be honest EnGerLand have been rather boring both on and off the pitch. Let us hope that they ramp up the interest tonight. 

EnGerLand to get through but it may take longer than 90 minutes. These two teams have never faced each other, but Zaire did face the Jocks in 1974, A Jock team that had some great players.

          

For the main course tonight, you will have to choose between Stoofvlees served with Brussel sprouts or Thieboudienne which is the national dish of Senegal. The technocrats from the capital of the European Europe are a declining force as we mentioned in the previews. Senegal on the other hand are one of the best teams in Africa who have eleven of their squad who were born in France, so it could be considered a derby of sorts. The Senegalese gave the Frogs a good battle in their opening game and should have been 2-0 up at half time. These two teams have also never faced each other. I am going to go for Senegal here, but it might also be a long evening.

For Dessert, you can choose between Key Lime Pie or New York Cheesecake from the US of A or some Balkan Baklava reflecting the fact that Bosnia Herzegovina was once part of the Ottoman empire. These two have also never faced each other in a competitive match.

As with the Sombreros, the Yankees had a relatively easy first group and now face a rather limited Bosnian team.  I will be honest that I have only watched highlights of the US of A, they are well organized under their Argie manager and should have too much for the Bosnians.

Let's hope that my pessimism is misplaced and that we will be royally entertained.

Back tomorrow with hopefully more exciting games to preview.

 

 

Three more ties to preview including Les Bleus. Will a favoured team win today?

After the veritable feast we had yesterday, do you still have room for more? Brazil scrapped through, I did warn you that Ze Shermans were not very good, so well done to Paraguay even if VAR helped them out big time.

Although the Fez Heads did not need VAR, somebody should check if they slipped the Oranjeboom a Micky Finn before those penalties. The last two by "Pitbull" timber and smalltown boy Summerville were scandalous.

Today we can start with some Ivorian amuse gueules, let us go with some Alloco, or if you prefer and I know I do, some Gravlaks. Yes, it is the Pianists from Cote D'Ivoire against the Vikings of Norway. Another intriguing clash between Africa and Europe.

These two sides have never faced each other in a competitive international match so there is no clip to share with you.

According to the legends, a Viking expedition led by Leif Erikson reached the North American continent nearly 500 years before Columbus did making them the first Europeans to do so (of course not discounting (Asterix in America).

a 1000 years earlier?

I do not think the Vikings ever reached as far as the West coach of Africa, but if they had done, I am convinced it would not have been a good outcome for the local inhabitants. They will be singing in the halls of Valhalla tonight.

For the main course, it will be a choice between Coq Au Vin or Cassoulet served with some Lyonnaise Potatoes or some Kottbullar (probably from IKEA) with Raagmunk.

One of the things I associate with the land of nearly one hundred thousand lakes is its functionality, think IKEA furnishings or Volvo cars. Compare that with the home of the Michelin star system which actually started as a gimmick to do with tires but never mind that, or the three musketeers and one thinks of flamboyance and daring do.

This in my eyes is a good way to look at their respective football teams. Over the past thirty years, Les Bleus have been entertaining us with free flowing attacking football, that even as a born Englishman who has an innate distrust of anything French has to admit has been fun to watch.

The Swedish Meatballs, meanwhile, have had some good attacking players but have never really threatened to set the world alight with their football. Some of you may remember the Swedish team of 1994 one of who's star was Thomas Brolin, in the end it turned out he was rather too fond of the meatbals.

Surprisingly enough, they have never faced each other in a World cup tournament, they did play each other in Euro 2012 and Les Bleus lost that game, but that was when a repeat of the French revolution was taking place within the Les Bleus camp. 

As we saw last night, nothing is guaranteed in football, but I feel the Frogs will enjoy splashing in the Swedish lakes to set up a clash with Paraguay.

For dessert, we need to pick between some Churros or some Espumilla and for those not sure of where we are. it is the Sombreros against the place where Darwin formulated his theory of Evolution, Ecuador and for Darwin the Galapagos Islands.

By the time the game is played tonight, it will be a moonlit night in old Mexico and as the tourists wander between some old adobe haciendas near the Azteca stadium, they may well hear the plaintive cries of many young Mexican girls.

They have played once before back in 2002, but the blue footed boobys have come a long way since then.

Those who have been following since the beginning will remember that I wrote Ecuador will be very difficult to beat, but will struggle to score, which was borne out when they drew with the mighty Curacao. However, they beat Ze Shermans in a must win game which is a great result even in the light of Ze Shermans subsequent defeat to Paraguay, so they will come into this game full of confidence.

The Sombreros, on the other hand, have not yet been tested, and were drawn in a ridiculously easy group.  So, the fact that they have won all three games, especially as they are a host nation with all that entails, does not add up to that much.

This is not going to be a walk in the park, I am predicting a cagey affair, and I will buck the trend and plump for the blue boobys to fly on to the next round.

I will end today with returning to a feature of last night’s penalty dramas, and with a shout out to my eldest son and his thoughts on what went on. His take was that European footballers are over thinking penalties, all these mincing little steps as they approach the ball, the stop start nature of the run ups, all done in an effort to confuse the goalie, where all they are really doing is confusing themselves.

I am not saying taking a penalty is easy but if one runs up and kicks as hard as one can in the right direction, one should score. Of course you could blast it over the bar, but it is much harder for a keeper to save a powerful shot even if they get a hand to it.

Au revoir until tomorrow, when we will have three more games including of course EnGerLand.

 

 

We are going on a culinary trip round the world, as the last 32 ramps up the tempo.

Welcome back, and today we have a three course meal to preview (not two as I said yesterday), but before we serve the hors d'oeuvre, we have to mention the indigestion or heartburn that we suffered last night, thanks to the awful game between the Lumberjacks and Bafana Bafana.

This game provided more ammunition for those opposed to the expansion of the tournament, it was dire, I think we heard more boos than cheers from the crowd especially from their frustration with Bafana Bafana’s tactics. They were playing for penalties and to give them a bit of credit, they almost executed their game plan perfectly. Thank God we will not have to suffer them anymore.

Think of your favourite three course meal, picture what you like to eat most to start a meal, as we embark on a culinary feast around the world. We will start with either Coxinha or Sushi, which will be served when the Samba Kings face the Samurais.

They have faced each other once before in a world cup back in 2002, but they are both very different teams from then and I am not referring to the personnel.

Japanese football has improved by leaps and bounds since then and they will be a serious test of the Samba Kings credentials to go far in the tournament. In fact, last year they faced each other with the following outcome.

The Samba Kings have not won a world cup since their last victory in 2002, and their aura has diminished in brightness since then. Victories over the voodoo doctors and the Jocks do not provide us with enough data to say if they are really the mustard so to speak. The Samurai's draws with the Oranjeboom and IKEA were very good results.  I really do not know who to pick here, I like both sides, I will go with the Samba kings because they have a very good manager who knows how to prepare teams for knockout football.

The main course could prove to be a bit stodgy, Asado Paraguayo served with Cassava. or perhaps some Bratwurst maybe with Kartoffelsalat or some Sauerkraut, depending on the result of the game. We are of course referring to the game between Paraguay und Ze Shermans, it could almost be considered a derby despite the vast distance between the two countries.  They met back in the 2002 world cup.

 

There is a healthy Sherman presence in Paraguay and it dates back further than just after the second world war, the initial Sherman foray into Paraguay was at the end of the 19^th Century, when the sister of the Nazis favourite philosopher Nietzsche, moved there with her husband to set up a commune of sorts based on an ideology that would take hold in Germany of the 1930's, well before anyone had heard of the NSDAP.

The famous Paraguayan dictator, Alfred Stroessner who ruled for thirty-five years was of Sherman descent. He sounds like he could have played in midfielder with our old friend Schweinsteiger. Paraguayan football is very defensive, somewhat like Ecuador, their problem is scoring, something they only managed twice in the group stages.

For a number of years now, Ze Shermans have been shadows of their former selves, gone are the days of the Kaiser and Gerd Muller, or the afore mentioned Pig climber and KH Rummenigge. This is the first time since 2014 that Ze Shermans have made it through the group stages. They did not look good, losing to Ecuador and barely scrapping past Cote D'Ivoire, knocking back seven shots of Orange Liqueur does not give one much credit.

I think they have made a big mistake with their goalkeeper who came out of retirement to play in the world cup. Neuer looks slow, he was injured a fair amount last season, and it shows. The fact he is playing shows perhaps a paucity in the goalkeeping department in the Vaterland.

Despite all that, I am going with Ze Shermans in this one. in what could be a low scoring affair. If Ze Shermans do come through, they could face their old cross border enemies in a mouth watering last sixteen clash.

For dessert, we can opt for either Appeltaart or Kaab al Ghazal, as we have the intriguing matchup between the Oranjeboom and the Fez Heads, unfortunately for most of us, this game is being played in the middle of the night, so we will not get to enjoy these delights in person. They have also faced each other once before in a world cup, back in 1994.

 

The Oranjeboom, along with Les Bleus both scored ten goals in the group stages, (I know Ze Shermans did as well, but they padded their stats as mentioned above.) Their standout player so far has been Crescencio (Jimmy) Summerville, a small town boy who is looking for a big money move this summer.

The Fez Heads have also looked good with two victories and their creditable draw with the Samba Kings. As mentioned in a previous post, almost all the team were born in Europe and three of their squad could play for the Oranjeboom as they were born there. This game is the hardest one to call.

I think that the evil empire would want Morocco to advance as that would be good in their eyes for the expansion of the game, but I cannot go with anything FIFA want so I want the Oranjeboom, but do not be surprised if the Fez Heads somehow make it through with a dodgy decision from VAR.

Bon Appetit to all, tomorrow, we shall continue our culinary trip around the world with another three course feast.

Group stages are finished, now it is the money time.

 

The group stages are over, and the real tournament can begin. The expansion of the tournament to 48 teams provided us with some fairytales such as tiny Curacao, the Orange Liqueur from the Caribbean, actually getting one point and also scoring a goal against Ze Shermans.

The biggest surprise has been another Island nation, this time the Blue Sharks from Cape Verde, actually qualifying for the knockout stage, by managing to draw all three of their games including against Espana. The reward for the Blue Sharks is a game against Los Gauchos and Messi.

The Jocks duly provided the tragedy we predicted as result after result went against them and they eventually finished as the eleventh placed third team, with only the top eight advancing. The Tartan Army has been magnificent and will be missed especially by the owners of pubs and bars across the continent.

The Ayatollahs also went home after a nail biting conclusion to the game between the Strudels and the ex-French colony of Algeria. Algeria scored in the fifth minute of injury time and in Teheran they were dancing in the streets and prostrating themselves to Allah, only for the Strudels to score a minute later sending the Ayatollahs home. 

This type of mood swing is common.

The three host nations all advanced although the lumberjacks lost their home field advantage, more about them shortly. The US of A have on paper an easy looking run to the quarter finals, so now the pressure is on.

The Sombreros utilizing their home field advantage to the full were one of only three teams to win all three of their group games, the others being Los Gauchos and Les Bleus, so they are in pretty good company. The two latter teams have so far been the standout teams along with the Oranjeboom.

Of the other usual suspects, we shall go into more detail when we preview their actual games but suffice to stay there were no major upsets for the so called big teams, even if they all did not look that good at times.

Of the teams we mentioned as being dark horses, the Samurai boys, the Fez heads and the Vikings are all looking good. and do not be misled by the battering the Frog legs gave to Odin’s boys, The Vikings played a second string team resting ten players for the clash.

To conclude this part, an interesting, in my eyes at least, stat. Nine of the ten African teams advanced, whereas only two from the nine Asian teams managed to do so and I feel that Australia as a continent in its own right is not really Asia and even Japan as an island race is also not.

So, what do we have to look forward to. There are sixteen games in this round and there are some absolute corkers scattered amongst them such as the Oranjeboom against the Fez heads. The Samba Kings against the Samurai and as mentioned above the fairytale clash between the Blue Sharks and the Argies. The Vikings against the pianists from Cote D’Ivoire will also be an interesting clash.

There are also a number of games that will only interest the residents of the respective countries playing in them, such as the Pharaohs versus the Wallabies and the game which opens this round tonight between the lumberjacks and Bafana Bafana.

This game is a difficult one to call, Bafana Bafana, looked awful in their opening game and not very good in their second game scrapping a draw with a late penalty and then winning one nil in their last game against the very poor K Pop demons.

The Lumberjacks were not much better, drawing their first, destroying the hapless Qataris in their second and losing when the Canadian goalie had more holes than the Swiss cheese he was playing against. This game is good ammunition for those opposed to the expansion of the tournament.

If the lumberjacks were playing this at home, I would favour them but as it is being played in Los Angeles, I am not sure who to pick. The fact is that whoever wins will be facing the Fez heads or the Oranjeboom and that will be that.  This game could go to extra time and even penalties, and as I am not allowed to sit on the fence, I will go with Canada.

Tomorrow, we have two good games to preview, so until then, adios,