Viva Espana and for King and Country

 

In the battle of the body parts, the legs overcame the heads, in the end rather comfortably. Two good goals from their main men and another very contentious VAR decision to award a penalty, which was thankfully saved to right the wrong so to speak.

I am not going to give much space to the game tonight between Espana and the Brussel Sprouts. From which ever angle you want to look at it, the result should be a Spanish victory. Of course, this leads to all the pundits having the possibility of ending up with egg on their faces if the Sprouts did manage to pull off the sensational. The Sprouts definitely have the momentum after their last two victories, but I just cannot see it happening. Espana will bore them to death with seventy percent possession of the ball, and it will be a rather routine clean sheet victory for Espana.

On Saturday night, we have the tie of the round between the Vikings of Valhalla, the bogeymen from across the North Sea and the dragons of St George from EnGerLand. 

In the epic poem Beowulf, probably written in the 10^th Century at the height of the Norse expansion, the hero slays a dragon but is mortally wounded. Could this be an allegory for what may transpire on Saturday night?

EnGerLand and Scandinavia, as it is not just Norway are linked in so many ways. Most of the town names on the eastern coast and across the North of EnGerLand are of Norse origin.

Since the year 1947, Norway has sent a Christmas tree to Trafalgar Square as a mark of its appreciation to the support given to Norway during World War 2.

Monty Python and the Beatles both immortalized Norway with the dead parrot sketch featuring the Norwegian Blue (beautiful plumage) and the song Norwegian wood. Norway as a country resonates deeply within the English psychique.

Then came the football, the ninth of September 1981, in a world cup qualifier played in Norway.  Norway had never beaten EnGerLand before and then this happened and one of the most iconic pieces of sporting commentary was born.

 

Norway as a football nation has advanced enormously since those days, they have players playing all over Europe and one of their local teams, the delightfully named Bode/Glimt was a surprise package in the European Champions League this year.

Both teams come into this clash, fresh off very impressive victories, The Vikings dismissed the Samba Kings by two goals both scored by the questionably human. wrecking ball known as Erling Braut Haaland.

EnGerLand overcame adversity with a heroic they shall not pass type of performance, surviving a red card, the altitude, 82 thousand baying Sombreros, to break the Sombreros hearts in the Azteca stadium thus avoiding a modern version of human sacrifice to the Mayan gods.

This game is going to come down to a clash of two of the four contenders for the tournament golden boot. An award given to the highest scorer in the competition, they being the aforementioned Haaland and of course “Sir” Harry Kane, the embodiment of Henry V before the battle of Agincourt.

Kane

Haaland will he be able?

The other two focal players in this game will be the men tasked with stopping the previous two from scoring. Jordan Pickford for EnGerLand, you either hate him or love him, and I put the word hate first for a reason and the Norwegian goalkeeper Orjan Nyland. Interestingly he is the oldest player to ever play for Norway aged thirty five.

Pickfprd

Nyland

Both goalies played crucial parts in their team’s victories with Nyland saving a penalty against the Samba Kings when it was still 0-0 and Pickford producing two top saves, to deny the Sombrero striker Jimenez goals, from very good headers.

It will be difficult, as I wrote in my preview for the last EnGerLand game, the level of EnGerLand expects is ramping up, which I think is not a good thing. EnGerLand have to be aware of not rising to the occasion after their last game, which is something I do not think will be a problem for the Vikings.

However, I am going with a win for EnGerLand with Haaland to score for the Vikings as they go down with swords in their hands in a flaming Viking longboat on the way to Valhalla, a true warrior’s death, as happened at the battle of Stamford Bridge in 1066.

This will set up a probable semifinal between the Argies and EnGerLand, as that is what the Evil Empire wants to see.

Due to logistical reasons, I may not be able to get a preview out for the last quarterfinal but have given my prediction above. Los Gauchos to advance by crook.

 

Enjoy the games everyone.

Frogs Legs against Fez Heads, who will march on?

In the deserts of Sudan, And the gardens of Japan. From Milan to Yucatan

In the wilds of Borneo and the vineyards of Bordeaux, Every woman, every man

Das ist gut! C'est fantastique.

These lines encapsulate what a world cup means to most of the world apart from those poor souls who do not like football, and even some of them get sucked in at least for the duration.

Twenty eight days ago today, we started with forty eight teams from around the globe and now we are down to the last eight. Six are from Europe and one each from Africa and South America.

Before we look at today's match up, a quick word about the last round. We had thrills and spills, controversies, plenty of food for the conspiracy theorists amongst us.

We said farewell to some of the stars of the last decade, Neymar from the Samba Kings and Cry Baby Ronaldo, although it would not surprise me, if he still thinks he could make a contribution.

I would posit that in the end there were no real surprises, despite there being some close calls especially for the Argies against the Pharaohs. We nearly had to get out Don’t Cry for me Argentina, but there is still time for that old favourite.

The quarter finals start with a rematch between the Fez Heads and the Frogs Legs, who played each other in the Semifinal in 2022. 

Some people are calling this game France A against France B due to the preponderance of the Moroccan players who were either born in Gaul or ply their trade there. The goalkeeper was born in Montreal and that is sort of French as well.

The Fez Heads are out for revenge for that defeat, this could be a very tough game for the froggies. In their last game against Paraguay, their opponents just kicked them to pieces, and I would expect an aggressive approach from the Fez Heads as well. The idea is to knock the equilibrium out of the way the Frogs like to play. As we know frogs are amphibians and need water to thrive, so if the Fez Heads can dry up the possession that the Frogs thrive on, it could be difficult.

In the Frogs first game against the other African champions, Senegal, they should have been trailing two nil at half time, but Senegal was profligate in front of goal, and the Frogs punished them in the second half. Even against the Vikings B team, the Frogs were vulnerable at the back. Paraguay did not try to apply pressure on Les Bleus, they were playing for penalties from the first minute.

All this adds up to the fact that Les Bleus have not yet really been troubled defensively to date, but I think that will change tonight.

As we know, the real strength of Les Bleus is their attacking prowess, so one player who will really have to be on top form tonight is the aforementioned Canadian born goalie quaintly known as Bono. Threr is a U2 song called Fez Being Born, perhaps if he wins tonight, he can get the other Bono to do a duet with him. At the end other, the exciting Talbi who plays for Sunderland might not start but could come on to make an impact.

Talbi quick footed

Bono will he have the edge?

For the Frogs, the two to watch out for are Upamecano at the back and Dembele up front.

 

Hard to break like the toy

strikes like a Cobra

One last thing, and I am not going to dive into all the conspiracy theories and supposed bias towards the Argies, from the evil empire, but given all the noise there is around this topic, the decision by the evil empire to appoint five Argentinian officials to oversee the game tonight is just baffling. It shows a complete disconnect from the world around them, the optics are terrible and it was so avoidable.

I will stick with Les Bleus, but I would not be surprised if the Fez Heads caused an upset.

Tomorrow we will preview the matchup between Espana and the Brussel Sprouts.

One last thing, I am glad I do not live in Paris, because I have a feeling that whatever the outcome is tonight, there will be a lot of "action" on the streets of Paris that probably will not be much fun to be around.

 

 

 

 

Conclusion of the last sixteen

Last night, the better teams won. So, it is goodbye to Christiano Ronaldo, some of the readers of this blog think I have an agenda against him. I do not, he was a great player. He played for some teams I do not particularly like, but that is it. My issue was that he should have known when to step aside, he was a heavy weight on some corks trying to stay afloat and, in the end, he dragged them down.

Espana march on, they have now not conceded a goal in seven world cup matches. which is a record. They have not lost in thirty five games, they will face the Brussel Sprouts in the next round. The Sprouts duly thumped the good ole boys from the US of A who to be honest did not turn up and may have been distracted by the revoked red card incident, which certainly fired up the sprouts.

Tonight we start with the Argies against the Pharaohs, Messi et al against the Prince of Egypt, Salah. This is the first time that the Pharaohs have scaled these heights, to be honest they have had a rather easy run to reach this far and normally one would discount the chances of a victory over the reigning world champions.

However, the Argies struggled mightily in their previous game against the Blue Sharks, the darlings of this tournament from the islands of Cape Verde, winning in extra time by three goals to two and it will be interesting to see how they react to that game.

 

They have never faced each other in a competitive match, and I cannot see the Pharaohs advancing to the next stage despite the Argies struggles in the last game. In fact, the Argies may come as hungry as crocodiles from the River Nile ready to feast on some tasty Egyptian flesh. Two players apart from Salah and Messi to look out for.

Martinez has shone

Marmoush needs to step up

The final game in this round is between the Cartel neckties of Colombia and the Swiss cow bell ringers. Out of all the eight games in this round this is probably the hardest to predict.

As I wrote previously, the neckties have been quietly efficient, keeping a low profile as they have stealthily advanced to this stage. The Gnomes from Zurich started slowly but are maturing like a lump of Gruyere or Emmentaler, I suspect they would prefer I use the first of those two cheeses for the analogy as the second is full of holes.

A new star has emerged for the Swiss in this tournament, but the Colombians have lots of skillful players, I really do not know who to go with here. I think this might be the only game in this round that could go to extra time and even penalties.

Diaz has looked good

Manzambi shining bright

They have faced each other once before, in the 1994 world cup, which of course will always be remembered for the tragic murder of Andres Escobar, a few days after he scored an own goal in the neckties 2-1 defeat to the US of A.

 

Interesting enough the man who served time for the murder of Escobar was himself shot and killed earlier this year.

 

We will be back on Thursday to preview the first quarter final, the intriguing clash between the Frogs legs and the Fez Heads.

Espana V Crybaby and US of A v Belgium the last 16 continues.

WOW AND WOW again, I am physically and emotionally drained after watching EnGerLand, as a friend said to me, he was sweating like he had played for hundred minutes at altitude and I felt pretty similar. If you have not had a chance, go and watch the highlights. To be honest, I am so spent that today’s offering may be a bit under whelming and for that I apologize in advance if you find it so.

So as predicted, the Viking war band led by the Impressive Haaland duly beat the Samba Kings, and as hoped for, because I did not commit to it, EnGerLand, with the three lions on their shirts, went into the coliseum that is the Azteca and held off the Sombrero clad hordes.

Unlike at the battle of The Alamo, the defenders came out on top, despite playing almost a half with an underload (in joke) of ten players.  This sets up another intriguing clash between EnGerLand and the Vikings in Miami on Saturday night.

Tonight we start with the Iberian Peninsula clash between the third best ranked team in the world, the Flamenco dancers from Espana, facing the seventh ranked team the Cork boys featuring Crybaby Ronaldo from Portugal.

The neighbouring countries have played a lot against each other, in fact this will be the seventh meeting in a world cup dating back as far as 1934 as Espana beat the Cork boys twice including a 9-0 thrashing. I do not expect such a scoreline tonight, but the record stands at five wins for Espana and one draw, in the last meeting between the two in the 2018 world cup in Russia.

The previous meeting before that was in the last 16 in 2010 back in the days when CR7 was in his pomp. 

Espana won one nil but only because of one of the stupidest pieces of play by Nani the cork boys’ winger that caused an amazing CR7 goal to be disallowed. We almost got to see full crybaby mode.

Espana started this tournament slowly and is improving, I watched them beat the Apfel strudel from Osterreich. They barely made it out of third gear but looked very good with more to come.  The Cork boys are lucky to be here, after their scandalous victory over the boys from Kings Landing due to an awful call from the VAR officials, disallowing a perfectly good goal which would have taken the game to penalties.

Espana to win this one, not at a canter but to win.

The second game features the last remaining host nation that being of course the US of A matching up against the Brussel Sprouts from Belgium. This game has already generated extreme controversy due to a very problematic decision from the Evil Empire.

In the last game played by the US of A, Balogun, the star Yankee forward, was somewhat unlucky to be shown a red card for foul play and thus be ineligible for the game tonight. This was done according to due process and within the laws of the game. Yesterday the Evil Empire announced that the decision had been overturned, his red card was suspended for a year, and he would be allowed to play.

Now this is highly irregular, but what made it stink to high heaven was that within minute of the Evil Empire announcing its decision, a certain President Donald Trump tweeted Thank you to FIFA for doing what was right and reversing a great injustice.

Now it just happens that the head of the Evil Empire one Gianni Infantino is a great friend of President Trump, need I say more.

Before the tournament, our dear friend Crybaby Roaldo was suspended for three games for a red card he picked up in a qualifying game which meant he would not have been able to play in the first two games the cork boys played.

But just like Dean Wormer from Faber college, Gianni found a little known codicil in the FIFA rule book allowing them to defer two of the games to a one year suspension and as if by magic, Crybaby was exonerated.

The Brussel Sprouts are justly furious, they come from the home of overreaching bureaucracy and corruption, they can smell a rat or probably spot a bulging envelope when there is one to find.

As I wrote above it was a harsh red card, but you cannot just change the rules to make President Trump happy.

This incident is going to add an edge to the game, it may actually backfire on the US of A as the sprouts are going to come out with all gun’s blazing.

Without Balogun, the US of A probably did not have much chance, his return is a massive boost, again on paper Belgium are a better team, they are ranked 9^th to the US of A ranking of 16th.  I just hope for a good game, I will not be staying up to watch this one.

The two faced each other in the 2014 world cup with the game going to extra time and the US of A goalie making save after save to no avail in the end, as you can see here.

 

 

Tomorrow we will preview the last two games in this section, with Messi et al taking on the Prince of Egypt and the Cartel neckties from the hills of Colombia facing the cow bell ringers from the Swiss Alps. 

Brazil V Norway and Here We Go, Mexico v EnGerLand

Welcome back, so we now know who will play in the first of the quarter finals and it promises to be an epic, as the Froggies will face the Fez Heads in a repeat of the semi final they played in Qatar 22. The Fez Heads duly dealt with the Lumberjacks by a three goal margin, and Les Bleus beat a very dirty and anti football Paraguay by a single goal. The Uzbeki referees' performance in this game was scandalous as he did not show one yellow card to Paraguay, despite their incredibly aggressive performance.

Tonight we have two mega ties to look forward to. In the first game the Samba Kings will take on the Vikings. The Samba Kings have not impressed so far, they scrapped past the Samurai in the last round, their midfield is old and slow. The Samurai fell into the trap of playing the legend that is Brazil and wasted an opportunity to beat them. The Samba Kings like Ze Shermans is a fading force but our perspective of them is such that we always expect them to win.

The Vikings did not find it easy against the pianists from Cote D'Ivoire but found a way to utilize the talents of the most lethal of forwards in modern day football when it mattered most to win the game. Haaland has now scored in thirteen consecutive international games, an amazing level of consistency. The Samba Kings will struggle to contain him. The Vikings look like they are having fun, there is a great team spirit in the war band. When the Viking were rampaging across Britain and France, the standard method of battle was known as a shield wall. In reality it is not much different to what we may see tonight.

One of the main focal points will be the clash between Haaland the Viking and the Samba Kings enforcer, Gabriel, they have had a number of English tussles in the English Premier League. these are the two to watch out for.

Gabriel needs to stand firm

Haaland will have his Axe ready

Interestingly enough, the two have only faced each other in one competitive game back in the world cup in 1998 as you can see here.

 

I really do not think that a victory for the Vikings would be so much of a surprise. Against the Samurai, I opted for the Samba Kings because I believed that their experience would be too much for the Samurai warriors especially with the manager that the Samba Kings have and I was proved correct. 

On a side note, I am sure if you watch the games, that you have noticed that before a free kick close to the goal, the players standing waiting to take the kick, put their hands over their mouth as they confer what to do. The Samurais did not need to do that as no one understands Japanese anyway. Just an observation.

Back to the matter in hand, the Vikings will not fall into the same trap, they have too many players who have big match experience and like true Vikings will not be awed by the reputation of their opponents.

This brings us to the second game and what an intriguing game it is.  The hometown Sombreros against EnGerLand, the 10^th ranked team in the world against the 4^th ranked team. The two, last faced each other in the 1966 world cup, so the shoe was on the other foot so to speak regarding home advantage and all that.

 

 

The game is set to be played in the Azteca stadium in Mexico City, a massive advantage to the Sombreros.

The first advantage is the altitude of the stadium. It is at 2,240 meters (7300 feet) above sea level. This means the air is thinner and for players not used to that, it is difficult for them to breathe and they will tire quicker.

There is another problem for players who are not used to the altitude and that is that the ball travels further in the air, so often passes are overhit by the teams not used to the conditions.

The second advantage is the home crowd, they are fanatical in their support, and the stadium will be like a seething cauldron. There is no doubt that the fans would have been trying to disturb the sleep of the Gringos, by making as much noise as possible outside the hotel where EnGerLand are staying.

The Sombreros employ a high press, the Sombreros will be playing as if they are ten speedy Gonzales, trying not to give the EnGerLand players a second to dwell on the ball.

Another statistic which has been banded about is that the Sombreros have only lost two out of their previous eighty nine matches in the Azteca stadium, but I want to debunk that a little bit.

Their last defeat there was in 2013 against the US of A, and they have played twenty six matches since then, but only one against a top ten ranked opponent in Portugal. Other teams they have faced include the Reggae boys from Jamaica, the Kiwis, Honduras, El Salvador to name but a few, just to give you a feel of the level of opposition they have faced.

This is the third world cup since 1970 that has been played in Mexico and EnGerLand do not have fond memories of the country. In 1970 they lost to the West Shermans 3-2 after leading 2-0, there is a conspiracy theory around this game that the CIA poisoned the English camp as they wanted the Samba Kings to win the tournament. Gordon Banks the legendary EnGerLand goalie was ruled out of the game due to "illness".

The most famous event of course happened in 1986, when EnGerLand faced the Argies in the same stadium, which is being used today, in a game not long after the Falklands war, with "the hand of God" incident.

This is the type of incident that has led to the introduction of VAR to stop these travesties of justice, although I imagine that with the level of VAR we have seen in some games this tournament, they probably would still have allowed the goal.

As they say in boxing, pound for pound EnGerLand is the better team, but they have not played well apart from in the second half of their opening game against Croatia.  Can they overcome all the things mentioned above and beat the Sombreros? If they can manage to not concede an early goal, and take the sting out of the crowd, they may be in with a chance. I think they need to do so within the regulation ninety minutes, because an extra half an hour at that altitude will be problematic. My heart says EnGerLand and I am trying to convince my head to think the same way.

Hey Jude

Jimenez to lead the line

The weather forecast is for heavy rain which may delay the kickoff. As Lord Nelson is famously supposed to have said before the battle of Trafalgar, EnGerLand expects that every man will do his duty.

Now the real tournament starts Canada V Morocco and France V Paraguay in the last 16

After three weeks of football, we are finally on familiar territory as the round of sixteen begins tomorrow. The names are more familiar, the rivalries are steeped in tradition, the football purists will be happy. There are still one or two teams who we would not normally see at this stage and incidentally, two of those are playing today.

In fact, twelve out of the sixteen top ranked teams according to the rankings of the Evil Empire have made it through to the last sixteen. The teams who are missing are Ze Shermans, the Oranjeboom, The Croats and the Spaghetti munchers who did not even qualify for the tournament.

The first game sees one of the three host nations and of the three I would say the most surprising that has made it this far. The land of the Mounties, the lumberjacks, a nation more interested historically in Ice Hockey then the beautiful game, of course I am talking about Canada. This is the furthest they have ever been in a World Cup partly due to the change in format.

They have an American manager who likes to sing and dance on the touchline in a very performative, look at me I am the story kind of way.  Some of his tactics are questionable to say the least, they do have one or two good players who play for European teams, especially Alphonso Davis from Bayern Munchen, but he was injured recently and has not featured as much they would have liked.

Their attack has their best players, the wonderfully named Promise David from Union St Gilloise, Jonathon David, no relation who plays for Juventus in Italy and Cyle Larin who plays for Southampton in the English Championship.

Alphonso Canada Star man

 

Can he deliver up front?

 

 

The Lumberjacks are up against the Fez Heads from Casablanca. The Fez heads are ranked sixth in the world and reached the Semi finals in the last world cup. They are very well organized and should have far too much all round power for the Lumberjacks to deal with.

Led by their captain Achraf Hakimi, an integral part of the current European champions Paris Saint Germain, they are stacked with talent all over the pitch, the other star I will mention is Brahim Diaz who plays for Real Madrid.

On a sidenote Hakimi is facing charges for an alleged rape when the world cup is over with the case due to be heard in Paris.

 

Diaz the magician

Hakiki likes to get forward

 

The second game sees another surprise team Paraguay take on the Escargot from France. I use the term jokingly as Les Bleus have definitely not been slow so far. Far from it, they have been blisteringly quick going forward with a front four which is the envy of every team in the tournament.

Everyone goes on about Mbappe and Dembele, but in my eyes the player that makes this team purr like a Lamborghini is the little lad from Crystal Palace. Born to a British Nigerian father and a French Algerian mother, he had to decide who he would represent and sensibly he chose Les Bleus. This young man is just a joy to watch, the vision he has for some of his passes is just ridiculous.

As a born Englishman it pains me to see how much talent the current Frogs team has. Another player who is only twenty one is Desire Doue who plays for PSG, he is another one of the current best players in the world, these two supplying the aforementioned superstars is why Les Bleus will be so difficult for anyone to beat.

 

Olise, oozing skill

Doue, yes, he can

 

 

This game should have been against the old French enemy Le Boche, but Ze Shermans as we all saw are a former shadow of themselves and failed to beat Paraguay, thus meaning Paraguay are playing in this game. Paraguay were very lucky when VAR intervened in their favour to disallow what probably would have been a winning goal for Ze Shermans.

Gill will be very busy

Enciso, can he nick another goal?

I cannot see them troubling Les Bleus in the slightest, thus giving us a titanic quarterfinal match up between the Fez Heads and the Frogs Legs.

 

I’ll be back on Sunday with the previews of the Samba Kings v the Vikings and the Sombreros v EnGerLand, both fascinating games.

 

The end of the round of thirty two, David V Goliath, Could the sensational happen?

All three results went as expected last night, and surprise, surprise, the cork boys won after the manager found the cajónes I referred to yesterday and substituted a visibly upset Crybaby.

Today we will finish the last thirty two with three more games. Starting the evening, we can have a plate of Meze, perhaps some Baba Ganoush and some Hummus or and here is where it gets interesting, the choice being indigenous based or modern cuisine. For the indigenous option, we have seared Kangaroo Loin. For the modern one, we will go with some Moreton Bay bugs (it is lobster, not bugs!) I was disappointed not to find another shrimp on the Barbie as an option.

The Socceroos (a stupid name) and the Pharaohs have never played competitive matches against each other.  The Pharaohs were unbeaten in the group stages with draws against the Brussel Sprouts and the Ayatollahs, plus a victory over the All Whites (that is their official moniker) from New Zealand. They were holding on for dear life against the Ayatollahs, and there is no doubt that the boys from the Nile Delta are wholly reliant on the Prince of Egypt Mohamed Salah, the Liverpool striker.

The boys from down under, braved the heat to beat the Turkish baths, lost to the US of A and then conveniently played out a scoreless draw with Paraguay to ensure that both nations would go through. This is a side with no standout players, they are an honest hard working side as one would expect from an Aussie team. This is a hard one to call. I will say, that if the Socceroos can stop the Prince of Egypt, they will go through to the next round where they would be facing the winner of our next game.

The main course tonight features a choice between some Asado with Chimichurri or Cachupa,  a slow cooked stew from the archipelago of Cape Verde.  Messi et al against the Blue Sharks.

One cannot have a more David versus Goliath clash than this. The three times winners and current holders against the upstarts from Cape Verde, who have become the Cinderella of the tournament. No one gave the Blue Sharks any chance of advancing to this stage, but they drew all three of their group games, including an unbelievable scoreless draw with Espana.

Los Gauchos have had an easy time of it to date, they could even afford to rest Messi in their final group game against the Camel train from Petra, although he did come on to score taking his tally to six so far. The Argies may not have a hard looking game, at least on paper until the quarter finals, where they may face the cartel neckties, assuming no surprises occur.

This may be a bridge to far for the Blue Sharks, and as much as we may want it, I think this will be the end of the road for them.

One more game to cover, on offer is some Tres Leches cake from the hills of Colombia or Nkate cake from the West coast of Africa namely Ghana.

The cartel neckties have been going about their business in a an efficient manner, disposing of their first two opponents before drawing with the cork boys in a game they probably should have won, but it was not that important to really win, so they played within themselves.

The Black Stars (after the black star on the national flag) gave both EnGerLand and the boys from Kings landing a fright, but ultimately only had a victory over Panama as they finished in third place. While they should be a tough nut to crack, the cartel neckties should have enough about them to squeeze the black stars out.

So that is it, we have covered all the games in the last thirty two and will now move on to the last sixteen. Stay tuned.