Can EnGerlLand break on through to the other side? A preview of the final.

 

We chased our trophies here, dug our trophies there, but can you still recall, the time we cried, break on through to the other side, break on through to the other side.

That is the aim for EnGerLand tonight, they have reached consecutive Euro finals against all the odds. and now have one more hurdle to clear to end the pain.

The hurdle they need to clear is a big one, the Matadors of La Roja, who have to date played six and won six in this tournament, with a brand of exciting, fast paced attacking football.

To preview this game properly, we have to go a bit statistical, EnGerLand have had 66 total attempts at scoring a goal, compared to Espana’s 108, which is probably why the Flamenco dancers have netted 13 times, compared to EnGerLand who have a meagre 7 goals.

The other interesting comparison is possession, they basically have almost identical numbers in all categories except for one.

EnGerLand are much higher in the area of sideways passes which as we remember EnGerLand have excelled at, as they pretended to be crabs on the beach sidling from left to right and back again.

The fact that in all other possession statistics, it is hard to tell them apart, despite the obvious difference in styles, may lead some to believe that too much emphasis is placed on statistics, and it is less important than other people feel.

There is no doubt that, as Lord Nelson famously said on the eve of the battle of Trafalgar, "EnGerLand expects that every man will do his duty” Until the dramatic semifinal victory over the plucky Orangemen, one did not hear too much of that awful expression, “it is coming home”, but since Wednesday night, the genie has been let out of the bottle.

Quiet a few of my loyal readers have been asking if I am going to use the Spanish Armada for historical context, it has been almost as bad as the Spanish Inquisition which of course nobody expects.

Although the word Armada has become synonymous as the term for a large fleet of ships, it actually comes from the Latin “Armata” which just means armed.

The defeat of the Spanish Armada of 1588 was not achieved in one battle like the defeat of the froggies at Trafalgar, it took a series of naval skirmishes to see off the pesky Spanish. The Spanish actually tried another three times sending more Armadas over the next few years. and they failed each time.  What is interesting is that the Spanish navy was technically much stronger than the tars of the Royal Navy which had only been set up by Henry VIII in 1546 and was still a relatively small force.

Legend has it that Sir Francis Drake had to finish his games of bowls before setting sail to engage the enemy. Then, as today, the odds were in favour of the Matadors, but the English Yeoman were as stout hearted as the oaks of their ships, and the same strength and application will be needed today to fight off the wave after wave of Spanish attacks than we can expect to see in the game.

Will history repeat itself this evening? I am on record as saying that the Spanish will win, I hope to be wrong, EnGerLand need to keep it tight for as long as they can and then look to pinch one on the break as the castanets become weary from all their exertions.

EnGerLand and Espana, have not played each other very often in tournament football, the last two times ended in 0-0 draws which is not encouraging, although EnGerLand did win the penalty shootout in 1996 in the Euro Quarterfinal of that year.

Another interesting thing to watch out for will be the race for the golden boot, the award given to the top scorer. There is currently a tie between Dani Olmo and Harry Kane with three goals, so they are my two to look out for.

Olmo, can he do it again for Spain?

Kane, Will he finally win a trophy?

I hope you have enjoyed the tournament and the blog, and I look forward to seeing you in 2026 for the next world cup.

2nd Semi Final, Operation Market Garden revisited

 

Here we go, here we go, here we go, we now know that the winner of tonight’s game will face Viva Espana in the final on Sunday. It was a fantastic first half, with a goal which will be remembered for years to come by the Spanish Wunderkind, Yamal.

Will this game be a bridge to far for EnGerLand as alluded to in the title of the blog?

Tonight’s game is fascinating for many reasons and here is one you wouldn’t have thought of. Who will the people of Northern Ireland be supporting tonight?

The Protestant side of Ulster are known as the Orangeman as a homage to William of Orange, the Dutch Stadtholder, who then became King William III of EnGerLand.

William defeated the Catholic forces, of the deposed James II of England, at two battles in 1690 and 1691 both in July. The more famous one is the battle of the Boyne and both battles (Aughrim is the other) are commemorated to this day by the Protestants with parades and marching bands which take place on July 12th.

Obviously to the Catholics, he is vilified as a figure of extreme hatred, so what do they do? I suppose that the Taigs will support the Orange and the Proddies the English, in a classic football situation of who do you hate more.

There is no logic to EnGerLand having reached the semifinal, no one can pretend that EnGerLand have played well, in fact they have been awful. Defensively they have been sound, the goal they conceded against the Vikings was one of those things and against the Swiss, the defender slipped allowing the ball to get through.

The problem has been in attack. where they have relied on individual brilliance to twice get themselves out of a hole. This is not a sustainable way of winning football matches, especially for a side that has some of the most exciting and talented players in the game currently.

One thing that has to be praised was the penalty shootout, they were five of the best penalties you will, so if this game does go the distance, EnGerLand will be confident.

 

 

Pickford, hoping for a quiet night

 

Apart from their game against the froggies, the Orangemen have scored in every game, but they also conceded in those games. They will need to be on high alert to plug any leaks in the dyke before they turn into a flood which washes them away.

In attack, the Liverpool winger, Cody Gapko, is in joint first place in the race for the golden boot which is an award for the top scorer in the competition. EnGerLand will need to keep him on a tight leash and if they can keep him quiet, it will go a long way to helping their cause.

Gakpo, can EnGerLand muzzle him?

They have met twice before in the Euros, back in 1988 when the Dutch won 3-1 with a hat trick from Marco Van Basten.

England had hit the post twice before the Dutch scored that day.

Then in 1996, EnGerLand got revenge with a 4-1 victory at Wembley with Shearer scoring this goal.

 

In a radio interview that I gave, I have already put it on record that I think EnGerLand will take this game.

We can all hope that it will be a good watch for the viewers at home, although those that favour EnGerLand will settle for a scrappy goal off somebody’s backside to win the game and b*******s to entertainment.

 

 

Ole Ole or Liberte , who will come out on top in the 1st Semi Final?

 

The last four has come around, there are only three more matches to be played, before we know who the next European champions will be.

In theory, we should be salivating over the prospect of Espana against the Froggies which is tonight and EnGerLand against the Clog wearers from the Low countries which will be played tomorrow.

The fact is though, that the two nations separated by the channel have both failed to live up to expectations to date.

We are going to focus on the game tonight and tomorrow will preview the EnGerLand game.

Hispania and Gaul are neighbours who are separated by the Pyrenees mountains and the independent principality of Andorra, which sits nestled in those mountains,

At the beginning of the Napoleonic wars, the two nations were allies invading Portugal, but then Napolean decided he needed to find a job for his brother and invaded Spain to install his brother, Joseph, as king of Spain, an act that did not go down well with the very proud Spaniards. In general, it is probably fair to say that the matadors find the Beaujolais guzzlers arrogant to say the least and that is being polite.

Since 1998, these two nations have won three World cups and three Euros between them. They both have a serious footballing pedigree.

This should be a battle between Zorro and the man in the iron mask, but much to the annoyance of Zorro and his followers, they have been the victims of cultural appropriation by Mbappe and his gang as you can see below,

 

 

Should he be cancelled for this crime?

Zorro, will he scar Les Bleu?

Can he break free of the shackles?

 

Zorro, the swordsman famous for his dashing charges and thrusting blade as he carved up his opponents is personified, by Yamal and Williams, the two wingers we have mentioned before. The Froggies have been ponderous and lacking creativity going forward, much like someone who has spent over thirty years in prison, whilst to their credit their defence has been like the walls of the Bastille, where the said prisoner was held.

Mbappe broke his nose in the first game they played, hitting his nose on the shoulder of a rugged Austrian mountain, and the mask they have provided for him to play has probably been a great hinderance.

Personally, I think they should drop him, it is somewhat like CR7 and the bottle stoppers from Portugal, they are trying too hard to feed Mbappe and without him, would have to cook up other methods of scoring, using some of that famous gallic culinary flair.

Who can be the next Michelin stared chef for les Bleu?

 

Kounde will be up against Williams

The biggest worry, for La Roja, is that two of their starting eleven, the defenders, La Normand and Carvahal are suspended for this game. This means they must make changes at the back. Whoever comes in will be facing the fake Zorro in Mbappe, (as they will play him despite what I have said) and that will be a tough ask.

Olmo, looking to drive through the Maginot Line

As we approach July 14th, will the bull runners from Pamplona manage to storm the Bastille, or will that have to wait until the final which is actually being played on Bastille Day.  We will find out tonight.

Cry Havoc and let slip the dogs of war

 

Four quarterfinals are ahead of us over the next two days. Instead of saving the best for last, we start with probably the most mouthwatering of all of them, the light footed, whirling flamenco dancers of Espana against the thigh slapping, beer swilling Mannschaft of Deutschland.

La Roja have been a joy to watch, they have woven their magic, over the football fields of Germany, entertaining us all with their breathless style. The Sherman’s have not been their methodical selves but have had lady luck on their side. I cannot stress enough the benefit of playing at home, but if things are not going well, it can be a double-edged sword if the fans turn against their team.

One of the standout players for Espana so far has been Nico Williams, this is significant, because although of Ghanian heritage he was born in Pamplona, famous for its bull run and what also used to be the capital of the Basque country in Espana.

In 1937, during the Spanish Civil war, at the behest of Generalissimo Franco, the German Condor Legion of the Luftwaffe destroyed the Basque city of Guernica in the first terror bombing raid in history and a precursor to what was to follow in WWII. This led to Pablo Picaso painting his most famous picture, simply known as Guernica. The Basques do not like the Shermans (I know who does?)

The Basques are so fiercely patriotic, that you must have been born in Basque territory to play for the main club in the region, Athletic Bilbao, which is where Williams plies his trade at the moment. Luckily, they let the manager be a non-Basque which allowed them to once appoint Marcelo Bielsa, probably one of the best and innovative managers of all time.

We can only hope that Williams and the rest of the players imbue the spirit of the bull run to overrun the Mannschaft and advance to a deserved semifinal. Unfortunately, the best team so often falls at an early stage but I’m going with Espana.

Two to look out for:

Kroos, perhaps his last game of football

Williams, pace to burn

 

 

 

Next up is Les Bleu against Ronaldo and ten others, as with all the names I use, this is supposed to be a bit of fun, but unfortunately for the navigators, it has become the actuality of their existence.

We have already mentioned in previous posts, that both these teams have been incredibly disappointing to date. The French, remarkably, have reached this point without scoring a goal from open play, having been the recipients of two own goals and a penalty for the paltry three goals they have managed so far.

The bottle stoppers have become bottle jobs as they just to look to try and enable Ronaldo to score. The last game against Slovenia was a pathetic display in general and embarrassing by Ronaldo as he cried after missing a penalty in extra time.

They met in the 2016 final, when the bottle stoppers won in extra time after the crybaby was injured and had to be substituted which helped them win as you can see below.

 

However, I think the corks will be popping in Champagne rather than Porto after this game.

Two to look out for

 

Maignan, has been the best Frog so far

Leao, they need someone apart from CR7 to shine

 

 

On Saturday, we have two more games, and we will preview the later game first. The dyke builders against the Sauna attendants. The Dutch are beginning to get it together at the right time, they comfortably saw off the vampires of Transylvania to reach this stage.

The carpetbaggers were lucky to overcome the Austrians, with two goals from corners and a poor attacking performance from the Tyrol boys, with a super save from their goalkeeper in the 95th minute to protect their lead.  The Orange wave and their great fans to move on.

Two to look out for 

 

Gunok, will be kept busy

Gakpo, Golden boot winner ?

 

Finally, we come to EnGerLand against the Merchant bankers from Zurich and Geneva who like playing at the stadium of the young boys from Bern. My message to Gareth Southgate, is as follows. “Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war” to quote the great bard.

EnGerLand have been appallingly awful, they are a packet of Jammy dodgers to still be in the tournament. However, the fact remains they are still alive and kicking, even if they seemed to be flat lining until that remarkable overhead kick form the mercurial talent that is Jude Bellingham, who to be honest had done nothing in the game until that moment.

You only need to watch the first 34 seconds of the video

EnGerLand will be forced to make a defensive change as they have a player suspended, perhaps they will change their formation back to how they played in the last Euros (for those who understand, a 3-5-2 or maybe even a 3-4-2-1) the second choice is the one I would go for and if Southgate has the nerve to make this change, EnGerLand may finally click.

The watchmakers have been very good so far, they almost beat the Shermans in the group stages and they dealt with the Pasta boys with ease. On the flipside they only managed a draw with the kilted Jocks, and we saw how good they were. They do not have a very good record in competitive matches against EnGerLand, last beating them in an actual game that mattered back in 1981.

My Head says the Swiss, but my heart goes with EnGerLand

Two to watch out for:

Toney, super sub or will he start ?

Vargas, been exciting so far

The Last 16 comes to a conclusion.

 

As we know the continent of Europe has been a battlefield throughout the ages, the Thirty Years war, the Napoleonic wars, the Spanish civil war and both world wars started in Europe, but these are all familiar to us from a western European perspective, what happened in Eastern Europe and specifically Southeastern Europe.

To put it in a nutshell, nearly six hundred years of on and off wars between the Islamic Ottoman empire and the Christian nations of the Balkans and central Europe.

I know you are asking yourselves, what has this got to do with football?

The populations of these areas have never forgotten those times. Serbia celebrates the victory over the Ottomans in the battle of Kosovo in 1389 to this day. The Austro-Hungarians defeated the Turks twice, first in 1529 at the siege of Vienna and then with help from Poland and Lithuania in what was the turning point against the Ottoman incursions at the battle of Vienna in 1683.

This is another reason, as I mentioned in an earlier post, why there are so few Muslim immigrants in Eastern European countries, to put it bluntly, liberalism and multi culturalism has never taken hold in Eastern Europe where people hold centuries old grudges.

It is also probably another reason why Turkey has always found their requests to join the European union rebuffed.

The West does not get it, but judging by some of the recent election results they are beginning to.

As I have said before the football pitch is the modern-day battleground, The Glockenspiel bangers from Austria, have been, next to the Castanet clappers, the most entertaining team in the tournament so far, winning their group with exciting high pressure, fast paced football.

The hot bath attendants have also been involved in exciting games, a nervy 3-1 win over Georgia which so easily could have been 2-2, they scored the best/worst own goal in the tournament depending how you look at it in their defeat to CR7 and his boys. As you will in this short clip, it is unusual as Turks normally know to be very aware of what is coming at them from behind and he was in no danger here.

 

They also edged another close game against the Skodas. They seem to specialize in late goals, having scored twice in injury time at the end of the game.

I know that I prefer slices of Sacher torte and Apfel strudel over some lumps of Turkish delight and I think the Boys from Oster Reich will have too much class for the carpetbaggers to deal with

Two to look out for:

Arnautovic, grizzled pro

Guler, Turkish wonderkid

The other game today with which we conclude this round, sees one of the surprise packages of the tournament in Romania versus yet another of the disappointments in the Oranjeboom from the low countries.

The Dutch are such an enigma, the creators of total football back in the 1970’s, they have never reached the heights they should have done. There always seems to be some sort of unrest in the changing room with Dutch squads, they never seem able to weld all the fantastic talent at their disposal into an effective force. 

Once again, they have been poor, they will argue that the goal they scored against Les Bleu should not have been disallowed by a spurious offside decision, but they were outplayed by Austria and only managed a late winner against the Poles.

However, the Dutch fans have been superb as we can see here

Romania is a backwater in every sense of the term, it is probably most famous as the home of Vlad the Impaler who many say inspired the character of Count Dracula. A former member of the Soviet bloc, they had their own tinpot dictator in Ceausescu, who ran the country into the ground, to the extent that when he was overthrown in 1989 as the Soviet bloc fell apart, he was executed by firing squad for crimes of genocide by starvation of his people.

It has taken Romania, a long time to recover, but the shoots of spring are breaking through, Dacia cars originate from Romania and are very popular and their football team has brought a sense of national pride to the country at this moment in time. They destroyed Ukraine in their opening game and went on to top their group.

They have the most striking player visually in their right back with his blue hair, and the son of Gheorgie Hagi, the most famous Romanian footballer of all time, Ianis Hagi is making his mark. I’m going to be sentimental here and plump for Romania

Two to look out for:

Ratju, thinks he's a smurf

Simons lots of potential

Last night, France and Portugal advanced to set up a quarter final between the two and sent Europe to sleep as they did so, the only vaguely interesting moment being CR7 crying once again on the football field. Today should be more entertaining than yesterday was.

We now have some time off before we preview the Quarterfinals which take place on Friday and Saturday.

 

Quality Literature

By Toutatis, the sky is going to fall on the heads of one of these teams tonight.

Due to the underperformance of both these teams, we can anticipate a mouthwatering clash between, Les Escargots, who always fancy a nice bite out of a Brussel Sprout.

In Ceasars commentary on the Gallic wars circa 50 BCE, what is today known as France and Belgium was all part of greater Gaul. In the over 2000 years which have passed since then, the froggies have tried to occupy the area today known as Belgium with varying success.

Belgium gained independence in 1830 from the Netherlands rather than France and there are still issues between those two countries. The Flemish were mainly Catholic and wanted independence from the Protestant Orangemen but also independence from Bourbon France.

Both these countries had large colonial empires in Africa which today is reflected in the composition of their squads. It has been very apparent when you compare teams such as France and Belgium, to say, Hungary and Poland, the lack of ethnic diversity in the latter mentioned teams.

This is a very hot potato in current European politics and indeed an election is being held in France at the time of writing, in which the far-right anti immigrant party is expected to win.

There is no doubt that the addition of players from their former colonies, and the fusion of styles this has brought, has been beneficial for both countries. Since 1998, Les Bleu has won two world cups and one Euro and the sprouts should have won something, but never did.

Belgium is a boring country, very grey in character and their football has often flattered to deceive, this is an aging team, and it is probably its last chance to have some success before they must rebuild. Can they do it. They have created plenty of chances, Lukaku their central striker has had three goals disallowed, and how they did not score against Slovenia was beyond belief.

They last met in the world cup semi-final in 2018 which the Les Bleus edged 1-0 in a very tense game, so expect a repeat type of game.

 

 

The froggies despite all that flair have not been firing on all cylinders as yet, will this derby clash wake them up or will the Brussels sneak it? I’m going for a draw at 90 minutes and then it is impossible to call.

Two to look out for:

Can he pull a Rabiot out of his hat?

Can he score a legal goal?

 

I

In the second game we have Cristiano Ronaldo and ten others from Portugal against another of the surprise packages in Slovenia. CR7 as he is known is now thirty-nine years old, he really should retire but is insanely competitive and is sort of a brahmin who is untouchable so to speak. This is a big problem for the navigators, as he is holding them back. He is almost not droppable, and this stops them from probably picking their best team.  They won their first two games in a not very convincing manner and fielded a much changed team in the loss to Georgia (although CR7 still played).

Slovenia drew all their group games and are a very solid unit. They are very similar to Slovakia who came so close to knocking out EnGerLand last night (we shall get to that when we preview the quarter-final)

However, this has been a tournament for the underdogs, the form book has been ripped to shreds by those dogs much like the proverbial homework, that the dog ate and spat out.

The Slovenes will try and follow the same method that Slovakia used last night. Keep it tight and nick one on the break, the navigators do not have the same mental fortitude as EnGerLand and will start to argue amongst themselves, if it starts to go wrong. I’m still going to go with the intrepid explorers to win this one.

 

Two to watch out for:

Bruno, annoyingly good

Oblak, a human wall

 

As expected, Espana convincingly and EnGerLand by the skin of their teeth advanced to the quarter finals. The Shermans await Espana in a mouth watering clash and the Yodelers await EnGerLand.

Enjoy the fare on offer today.