This is the end, my only friend, the end. EnGerLand vs Forza Italia Euro 2020/1 . The Final Preview

The lyrics of the haunting song by The Doors quoted in the title include the following stanzas "Can you picture what will be? so limitless and free, no safety or surprise, the end" and "lost in a Roman wilderness of pain, all the children are insane."  

Well, tonight the frenzy will reach a crescendo one way or another and it will be all over. None of us are certain of what the outcome will be. However, we are definitely all insane and the hope is that it will be the barbershop boys who are in that wilderness of pain and not EnGerLand.

Before we get into how the teams made it to the final and how we think the final will go, I just want to thank you my loyal readers for sticking with me through this tournament, from the responses I have received on the blog and directly, I am glad that people have enjoyed reading my drivel.

I have had people giving me suggestions for what I can include in this post and also the number of readers has gone up which means you must be sharing the blog with others. I thank you for this, and ask that you do so again for this final posting, send it to your friends and family so we can spread the love.

Funnily enough, one of the favourite sections seems to be, what foods will we have to choose from to show where our allegiances lie? People like to try and guess and I have to try and surprise them. Well, today we are going to start with biscuits. Do you prefer digestives (chocolate or plain) or a Garibaldi?

Both teams, as we know, had tough games in the semifinals. They both went to extra time and the olive oil boys had to endure a penalty shootout but have had an extra day to rest and recover.

Watching EnGerLand was a cathartic experience, (note to my cousin, it had the requisite levels of tension). When the game went to extra time, it was the same old story, the same anxieties began to arise, EnGerLand fans all suffer from a form of PTSD, and when they were awarded, a somewhat on reflection (but who cares) soft penalty, the old fears were triggered even more.

Up stepped H Kane, and of course he missed, but scored on the rebound. It was like a CBT or EMDR therapy session, the main tools which have been found successful for treating PTSD.  (You can look up the acronyms on Google, this is not the forum for that).

EnGerLand had revisited their nightmare and vanquished it, hopefully banished forever. Unfortunately, do not be surprised if the nightmare tries to rear its ugly head tonight.

So to the history, one of my readers asked how I was going to weave in any historical animosity between EnGerLand and Italia. He said yes, they fought with Ze Shermans in WW II but that was only because they were on the Allied side in WWI and the Allies did not want them again because they were so useless as Ze Shermans found out to their cost.

Another point to note is that the inhabitants of the little Island off the coast of mainland Europe can start a fight in an empty room. They are a bellicose people, much unloved around the world and have fought most nations at one time or another.

The true Roman Empire, which existed for seven hundred years fell in the year 476. It was not until the year 1871 that it became a unified country again with Rome as its capital. This was brought about by a certain sailor called Garibaldi, (who actually lived for three weeks on Tyneside, obviously more than enough for him) hence the choice of biscuit earlier. 150 years is a short time for a country to exist, it is even less than the US of A and as we know, they have no history of note.

Therefore, we have to go back further, to Roman times. Julius Caesar was the first to lead an expedition to try and subjugate and incorporate the island of Britannia into the Roman Empire. He did not succeed and it was not until the reign of the emperor Claudius that Britannia finally came under the Roman yoke.

I have never understood why all these European countries have wanted to invade Britannia. Inclement weather, warm beer and bland food,  that’s what the island is known for, all far removed from the warm Mediterranean climate and tasty food of Italia, Espana and the Froggies, to name but a few who have tried to invade over the years.

Anyway in the year 60, the tribes arose under Queen Boudica, their version of the Iron Lady and gave the Roman legions a bloody nose. To this day, she is considered a folk hero in many quarters for standing up to Johnny foreigner.

The English as with many island races are fiercely independent and have the memory of an elephant when it comes to these things and her spirit of defiance is one of the things that will be called on tonight.

I have nothing but the utmost respect for this Italian team, you will not read here any jingoistic, xenophobic references such as that they are bunch of diving cheats, experts in the dark arts of time wasting who could teach a better class than Professor Snape could ever have dreamed of.  Or that they have bribed the referee or threatened his family, match fixing is common place and the list goes on.

No, we do not think any of the above. This Italian team is unbeaten in their last thirty three outings which is impressive in itself. What is even more remarkable is that in their last twenty four games they have only trailed once for a period of ten minutes.

This team is more like the Borgias than the Montagues or Capulets, better known as Romeo and Juliet, there is no Romanticism shown here, just a hard ruthlessness that Lucretia Borgia would have been proud of. If Romeo had ever tried to put a ladder under Juliet’s window, our friend Chiellini would just have kicked the ladder away with Romeo still on it.

So who else do we need to watch out for apart from the usual suspects we mentioned in the semifinal preview?  Let us start with Jorginho, one of their Brazilians; if it goes to penalties, he is one of the best penalty takers in the world at the moment. We should look out for immobile, who may spend a lot of time doing this.

Immobile, his favoured position

Jorginho, deadly from the spot

Another choice then, Pizza or Fish and Chips, what will you be snacking on at half time?

In 1969, a film was released starring Michael Caine titled The Italian Job, it was a comedy about a robbery where a group of English criminals planned to steal some gold and use the cover of a football game and the presence of thousands of English fans in Turin to escape. I will not give away any spoilers, but it ends in a cliffhanger.

EnGerLand will be hoping to nick a victory tonight. This is the time where the nation will be looking for inspiration, where the spirit of the Blitz will be invoked, the bulldog tenacity of the island of shopkeepers as Napoleon called the English, their hard working and stubbornness will be brought forth. 

Up and down the country, people will be humming the tune to the hymn Jerusalem (because they don't know the words) evoking England's pleasant pastures seen, in England's green and pleasant land.

The top scorer for EnGerLand so far is Harry Kane or "H" as he is fondly known as, after a slow start he has rediscovered his touch with four goals. Harry means “Home Rule” in German and they will be hoping that is a good omen.

As we referenced Shakespeare earlier, we will return to the bard to draw yet more inspiration. Where better to look for a motivational speech than that given by Henry V  (who actually calls himself Harry in the monologue) on the eve of the battle of Agincourt against the Froggies in 1415. You will know some of the lines, “We few, we happy few, we band of brothers” to quote but one. I am going to paraphrase some of the others to show their suitability for the occasion.

Old men forget, but they will remember what feats were done this day. Then shall the names familiar to the tongue as household words. Harry the King, Phillips and Rice, Sterling and Grealish. This story shall the good man teach his children.

He that shall live this day and see old age, will yearly feast with his neighbours and strip his sleeve and show his scars and recall where they were on this auspicious day.

He, who hath no stomach for this fight, let him depart, we should not watch in that man’s company, that fears his fellowship to suffer with us.

Stirring stuff indeed.

Below is the full speech delivered by Kenneth Branagh in his version of Henry V.

 

Inspiring stuff, St Crispin's day speech Henry V Act IV

This game will not be for the weak hearted, finals are often poor spectacles as the players are shackled by the fear of falling at the last hurdle. It will be a tactical battle as the two managers try to come up with a plan to negate the opposition.

In 2012, the two nations faced off in the quarterfinals of the Euros and EnGerLand predictably lost on penalties after a scoreless one hundred and twenty minutes of football. The probability of the game tonight, going at least into extra time and then perhaps penalties are very high.

EnGerLand, have a terrible record against Italia so the omens are not good from that perspective, but this team has already banished a few historical demons on their way to the final and will not be fazed by that, whatever the fans might think.

To be honest, the feelings of trepidation are great, my nerves are a mess, there are too many people who want to come and watch who are not connected, they are jumping on the bandwagon. They really want to watch us and not the game. If EnGerLand lose tonight, they should quickly and quietly scurry away as we vent our disappointment.

However, if EnGerLand triumph, you will be able to hear us everywhere as the fans will be doing the conga, in the deserts of Sudan and the gardens of Japan, from Milan(well perhaps not there) to Yucatan, every woman, every man.

In the wilds of Borneo and the vineyards of Bordeaux, Eskimo, Arapaho. Move their body to and fro.  with thanks to Ian Dury and the Blockheads.

Everyone will hear the EnGerLand fans, they will be insufferable, and I think, just because of that, the whole world will be rooting for Forza Italia tonight so as not to have to listen to the strains of “Vindaloo “, “It’s coming home” and strangely enough “Sweet Caroline” (an import from twenty twenty cricket games) as they are endlessly sung in a drunken stupor.

A bit of Vindaloo, to help you get in the mood

Another factor at least in Europe is the recent Brexit, If EnGerLand go onto be coming champions of Europe, President Macron and Chancellor Merkel amongst others will be shedding more than a few tears.

Two players who will be very important tonight are Jordan Pickford the goalkeeper and yet another Harry, this one being the defender Maguire.

 

Pickford, hoping he will not be too busy tonight

Maguire, needs to use his head

The tournament has had some great football. Not just because EnGerLand have reached the final. There have been lots of goals scored and plenty of good football on show to entertain the masses and keep football fans happy during the summer break which is a trying time for them. The majority of true football fans, much prefer club over country and are ready to get back to the day to day issues of preseason training and transfer rumours. 

Win or lose, it has been a good ride which I hope you have enjoyed sharing with me.

This is not the time for logical thought out predictions. You all know what I want, this is not the occasion for the head but only the heart. So let us start singing, Here we go, here we go, here we go and push EnGerLand over the line to victory.

Finally. Cornetto or a 99, what is it going to be?

Just one Cornetto

Two 99's beats one Cornetto