Teddy's Bears Picnic (Group A Preview)

If you go down to the woods today, you're sure of a big surprise,
If you go down to the woods today .you'd better go in disguise.
Because today's the day, the teddy bears have their picnic.
(Poetic license it starts tomorrow)

The Russian bear invites the world to join it in a feast of football, and the hope is that we will be able to see the wood for the trees and participate in the fun.

Group A contains the hosts Russia, along with Egypt, Saudi Arabia and Uruguay. Now even those of you who have no football knowledge may realize that does not seem a very exciting collection of teams. Those who do have a little background will know that apart from perhaps Uruguay, none of these teams are contenders for the title.

Despite that, there are always interesting subplots for your faithful servant to bring to you, and I hope to successfully to achieve this.

I usually try to avoid too many facts and figures as they are often not that relevant in a wider picture, but here I have to make an exception.

Russia, Egypt and Saudi Arabia are the three lowest ranked teams in the tournament. The conspiracy theory aficionados will claim that this was set up to give the Russians a ghost of a chance to advance to the next stage, However, we all know that FIFA, the governing body of football is  a virtuous organization which has never been tinted with any trace of corruption so this must be just a crackpot theory.... or is it.

Since the break up of the old Soviet Union, the newly formed Russia does not have a very good international record, in fact they were only a little better before the dissolution. As with their recent clumsy attempts at silencing Sergei Skripal an ex spy living in England with a nerve agent, or the poison tipped umbrella used to kill Bulgarian dissident Georgi Markov, the Russians have never been a subtle people, the hammer and sickle was an apt emblem which reflected their character and so it is with their football team.

It is only the fact, that we really don't know what to expect from Saudi Arabia and Egypt, that the Russians may have any chance of advancing at all. The Russians play the opening match of the tournament against Saudi Arabia, a country which only officially came into existence in 1930 the year of the first world cup, and who will be making their fifth appearance in a finals tournament. They have two wins in thirteen attempts but can boast one of the best goals scored in a finals.

Saudi Arabian goal from 1994

Next up, we have Egypt who have in their ranks one of the best players in the world at the moment, one Mohammed Salah. (pronounced sa'LACH) His participation in the finals was put in doubt when he was cynically/accidentally  fouled (opinion is divided) by Spanish hard man Sergio Ramos in the recent champions league final.

Arab world reaction to Salah injury


There is no doubt what Egyptians thought about it and I imagine that the rest of the Arab world was also looking on in horror as he went down(apart from the Saudis who were probably blessing their lucky stars)

There is no doubt that he is a gifted player and we should all hope he is fully fit and able to perform. Below is a link to his recent goals in the champions league semi final for Liverpool against Roma, the Arabic commentary is particularly worth listening to and I shall give a brief translation afterwards.

Salah 2 goals in Arabic

The commentator is saying, I want you to be the father to my grandchildren, I want you to marry my daughters, in fact never mind that, I just want you to be the father to my grandchildren.

In the recent presidential elections in Egypt, more than one million voters wrote Salah's name on their ballot slip, unfortunately for them he was not a candidate.

Last but not least are Uruguay, who should be favourites to win this group. They have won the tournament twice although not since 1950, but they should have two much attacking prowess with the man who likes to bite defenders when they annoy him, Luis Suarez and the man who sounds like a fashion designer and looks like a male model Edison Cavani

Suarez enjoying a tasty snack

Male model

They also have one of the best defenders in the world, Diego Godin who plays for the other Madrid team Athletico, probably too much nous for this group.


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Tomorrow we will have the previews for groups B and C.