Instant reaction to the England (Non) Performance and preview of first two knock out games

And then there were sixteen, we have now said goodbye to sixteen nations and tomorrow move on to the knock out stages with two games, both involving some of our favourite villains. Les Bleus v the Argies and the flesh eater from Uruguay v Ronaldo and the Bell Ends.

But before that, of course is EnGerLand, where normal service was resumed in a one nothing defeat to the technocrats of Brussels. Herein lies the problem, both sides had already qualified, they both rested their star players, nothing was riding on the game.

As I sat with my mates, there was not the usual tension that comes with watching England, the cursing, the anguish, the utter dejection at the end which is the lot of an EnGerLand fan. We did not care, when the young English striker, Rashford, was clean through on goal and all he had to do to score was beat the goalie, which he managed successfully, but also somehow missed the target, there was no outpouring of abuse at the screen, we all just laughed.

I do not want to hear any of that rubbish about being in an easier half of the draw and therefore playing accordingly.

To win the tournament you are going to have to face and beat a big name side eventually. In 2016 England thought, oh good, cod fish fingers, our favourite thing for tea, and they ended up biting off more than they could chew as they lost to Iceland. None of the big teams have looked that good yet and all are beatable on the day.

The defeat for EnGerLand had an added bonus in that it has brought the Nation back down to earth, a healthy reality check was a good thing at this point. EnGerLand will now face Colombia on Tuesday night, whilst Belgium will face the Ronin from Japan on Monday, the only nation from Asia or Africa to make it through although that is a topic for another day.

In the first game tomorrow, two fancied teams who have both under performed face each other in a clash of the Titans. We have written enough about the Argies, the level of their performance has been worse than poor and I will come out and say that unless they show a massive improvement, Argentina will be joining Ze Shermans on their way home.
Not that Les Bleus have been much better, but put it this way, the Frogs have not been good the Argies have been bad.
In an ideal world they would both lose, but as we know "you can't always get what you want, but you find sometimes you get what you need". If Argentina do somehow win, they will be building a momentum, a self belief which is often more important in tournament football than playing well.

The two players too watch in this game will be Paul Pogba, who will look to boss the midfield for France and Javier Mascherano. His job will be to try to  shield the rather porous Argentinian defense from the marauding Froggy hordes, who will be looking to crack that said defense like a plate of escargot sauted in butter.

To the Bat mobile Antoine

Is that sour Cherry juice

The second game will showcase an intriguing clash of styles with Uruguay who have not conceded a goal yet against Ronaldo and the bell ends of Portugal as they continue their world tour, and this time they will be performing their well known hit "I wonder why they hate me like they do,"

Ronaldo pulled the Portuguese chestnuts out of the fire in the first game against Spain, it is hard to have to rely on that every time and Uruguay have the defense to stifle the rather blunt Portuguese attack, but also posess the means to uncork the Portuguese defense with our two friends the male model Cavanni and Hannibal Suarez Lector.

Main men are both defenders Godin for Uruguay and Pepe for Portugal.

Pepe a walking red card

Godin More solid than the rock of Gibraltar

France and Uruguay to previal

Humpti Dumpti fiel von der mauer

The title is a line from the popular children's song but in German. The question is will they be able to put them back together again?

I must begin by admitting that I was wrong in my prediction for this game and I have never been happier to be so far off the mark.

Next I bring for your entertainment the reaction of every Non German football fan around the world as the final whistle blew. It was also the initial feeling of non football fans who may not have been watching but still understood the significance of this footballing tsunami.

Happy Days

and this one

Ode to Joy

All round the world people who had entered into office pools and prediction leagues were tearing up their forms as their brackets were broken, but did they care? Of course not, what is the small sum of money lost compared to the joy at seeing Ze Shermans so.

The jokes abound as Ze Shermans suffered yet another defeat on the Russian front and face a long march back home. Kazan can be added to a list of sites of German setbacks on Russian soil on a par with Stalingrad or Kursk.

The implications of this performance are as follows. I will not say it has been shattered but the long standing myth of German invincibility has been cracked, there is a massive dent in it. If they had qualified and then lost to Brazil in the next round, it would be easy to say, well they lost to a good team. No disrespect to Mexico or South Korea but they are hardly powerhouses of world football.

As the group progressed, one could sense a realization dawning on the teams facing Ze Shermans. They are not superhuman after all, they can be beaten.

The night of the long knives is going to seem like a picnic compared to what may happen to the Mannschaft.

The inquest into this debacle is going to be as long and painful as any ever carried out on Prinz Albrect Strasse back in the day. Ze Shermans while used to it, do not cope very well with defeat. They will be looking for scapegoats and  I know where they will look first

After the first world war, Ze Shermans had this theory that they had been stabbed in the back by undesirable elements, the concept originated in part, from the last part of Wagner's ring cycle known as Gotterdammerung, which in English refers to the utter collapse of a society or regime, rather apt here I think.

Ze Sherman coach, Joachim Low, the hero of four years ago when they won in Brazil and who we know as our friendly bum scratcher and nose picker was stabbed in the back by the perfidious players led by among others Mezit Ozil who was pictured shortly before the tournament shaking hands with the Turkish sultan of swing along with another member of the squad.

Now I hear you saying that does not sound a very German name and that is because it is a Turkish one, Ozil is the child of a Gastarbeiter family and his picture with Erdogan enraged Ze Sherman public who questioned where his true loyalties lay.

There were questions before the tournament, when the selection of the Mannschaft was announced, why were certain players picked or not picked ? This is normal behaviour, but not in Germany where the coach can do no wrong.

After the defeat to Mexico, there was dissension in the ranks with players coming out in public and criticizing their team mates, unheard of for Ze Shermans, which caused this reaction form the fans, that is how the French behave not us.

They left out the exciting talent of the young Leroy Sane who had a fantastic season at English champions Manchester, City, the defense was slow, the goalkeeper was coming back after injury and walked straight into the team when Ter Stegen of Barcelona was playing very well. They did not have a real striker, Mario Gomez is a donkey. The list is endless.

Anyway I will leave you with two minute highlights of the game and to spare a thought for Mat Hummels, Ze Sherman central defender who missed four chances to score with the worst being the one you will see in the 87th minute. Unfortunately they don't show the replay which shows the ball coming off his shoulder instead of his head, when it was easier to score than miss. If I was him, I would be thinking about moving to a desert island

Auf Wiedersehen Pet

Check back in a few hours for the preview of today's final group matches featuring of course an already qualified EnGerLand

The groups with the pre tournament favourites come to a close

A few words about yesterday's games before we preview what is to come. First of all a number of Australians thought that I was being harsh on writing off their chances of  "advance Australia fair" being heard again in the tournament, or that France and Denmark would walk to a bore draw. Sorry mates, it wasn't rocket science and I never shy from the truth.

I wrote the Argentina game was to close to call, and by jolly, they just made it by the skin of their teeth. Credit given where credit is due, Messi's goal was sublime, a consummate piece of skill. However he only produced one other moment of note, that being his free kick which was well saved and in the second half, he was, along with the rest of Argentina quite awful.

It also has to be said that the Nigerians were quite naive in their approach to the last fifteen minutes. The Argies were under such immense mental pressure and Nigeria with their pace should have caught them on the break but they did not try that enough and as with Sweden against Ze Shermans, they paid the ultimate price.

A friend of mine described it, as an EnGerLand type performance with a German result and I think that summed it up very nicely. Next up for Argentina is France and Croatia will play Denmark.

Talking of Ze Shermans, a popular joke going around at the moment is that the last time Ze Shermans failed to make it out of the group stages was in 1938 and look what happened a year later. 

Ze Shermans managed, as they do, to mug Sweden in the last minute to stave off elimination and today against the weakest team in the group South Korea. will trample them into the ground in typical Teutonic fashion as they advance to the next stage.

Strangely, Ze Shermans seem to have forgotten how to defend and all teams are getting a chance to "hang out their washing on the Siegfried line" as the ditty used to go. Perhaps they are being distracted by the antics on the sideline of their coach, scratching his privates before having a good whiff of his fingers. Of course, it may just be that he is making sure they haven't frozen off as happened to so many of Ze Shermans the last time they were this deep in Russian territory.

The image says it all

The other game in this group is also intriguing, Sweden to carry on the IKEA analogy, alluded to in the preview for this group, collapsed like one of their pieces of furniture, just when you think you have built it correctly, along comes someone who gives it a push, and what do you know, that left over part was important.

How the Swedes, who ended up looking like turnips, react to that shattering defeat is vital. In all reality they have to win to have any chance of advancing with Ze Shermans facing on paper at least any easy game.

Mexico are in a strange position, they have won both their games, but a loss today coupled with a German victory could see them go out. All they need is a draw, but playing for one as we saw with Sweden and then Nigeria is a very risky way to go. Mexico should do it, but I would not be surprised if they fall at the last hurdle.

In group E, Brazil will face Serbia and Switzerland are up against Costa Rica. Brazil have been a shadow of themselves, they have not produced the free flowing joyful football that we crave to see and for which they are known, apart from in the first thirty minutes against Switzerland. They clawed themselves to a victory against Costa Rica, which does however still leave them in first place in the group.

Neymar, their superstar player not only has performed poorly, but also seriously blotted his copybook with a piece of acting that was deserving of a turkey rather than an Oscar, as he at first succeeded in conning the referee in awarding a penalty, only to have it correctly overturned on the video replay.
He should have been booked for a shameful piece of cheating, but most referees do not have the bottle to do that.

Bad Neymar

He also scored from three yards in the last minute and then cried like a baby, it is a shame because he can also produce this.

Good Neymar

Serbia can count themselves unlucky, they were ahead against Switzerland and should have been awarded a penalty, but suffered the worst decision of the tournament so far.

How was this not a penalty

They were then stung by two goals from players of Kosovar origins who celebrated their goals with an inflammatory gesture, in the eyes of the Serbians, that being the Albanian double headed Eagle.

The Serbian coach said of Ze Sherman referee, that he should be sent to the international court of justice in the Hague as were the many Serbs accused of war crimes after the conflict in the Balkans in the 1990's.

Perhaps he should have suggested Nuremberg as that is where Ze Sherman war criminals were tried. Of course the white washers at FIFA whilst investigating the incident did not ban the Swiss players involved and are trying to brush the issue under the carpet.

Serbia will be fired up after those incidents, if they can channel that aggression they could cause this Brazilian side some problems as the Brazilians "don't lie it up em". I still think Brazil should be too good for Serbia but it should be interesting.

In the other game the metronomic Swiss should not have too many problems dealing with Costa Rica. They only need a draw to advance and unless the Costa Ricans pull off a big surprise which they have showed no signs of doing as yet, Switzerland should join Brazil in the last sixteen.

Tomorrow will see the conclusion of the group stages with the last games before the beginning of the knock out rounds.

Argentina's biggest battle since Mount Tumbledown and the French connection

Before we look ahead, a quick word of praise for Iran and Morocco who gave their all against Portugal and Spain as I said they would. They had us, the fans, on the edge of our seats as the outcome of the games and thus the group positions was not decided until the dying seconds in both games.

First up today, are the final matches in group C, they being Australia v Peru and France v Denmark.

As usual those whinging Aussies are complaining that the French should never have been awarded a penalty in the game between them. This would have meant the game ended in a draw in the parallel universe that Australia exists in where everything, as we know is upside down. That being the case the Australians would not be on the brink of elimination, which is where they are back in this universe.

Tough call against the Aussies, What do you think ?

They are up against a Peru side who have lost both their games despite playing well and who will want to finish on a high note and that is bad news for the Aussies who need to win and hope that Denmark lose to France. In that scenario, Australia will advance, otherwise its pack your bags time.

More worryingly for the sheep dipping lovers is that they have only managed to score two goals to date in the tournament both from penalties taken by their captain Jedinak who looks like he could do with a shear and dip.

Baa

France and Denmark only need to play out a draw to ensure they both qualify and world cup history is littered with instances of where this has happened as both sides rest players, don't try to hard, and settle for the point.

The French true to form as I wrote in the preview for this group have been like a dish in a restaurant specializing in nouvelle cuisine, not much substance with a few flashes of genius here and there, to merely whet the appetite but leaving the diner still hungry for more at the end of the meal.

For Denmark, also as predicted, Loki who has assumed the form of one Christian Eriksen has been up to his tricks and entertained us immensely.

France and Denmark to advance.

Now we come to Group D which is living up to its mantle as the group of death.

I received a question, from, let's call them Anonymous from Gauteng, (which some of you may remember as Transvaal) something to the effect of why does the world cup matter, what is all the fuss about ?  The standard of club football is of a much higher quality, for example in the champions league. I started to pen them a detailed answer with historical socioeconomic reasons, but realized that there is no need.

The answer is in what this game means to the Argentinian players including Messi. What it means to the Argentinian nation as a whole. They will be mouthing Ave Maria as they are glued to whatever screen they will be watching on experiencing the whole gamut of emotions from ecstasy to despair in the space of ninety minutes.

It matters because club football is mercenary, players go where ever they can get more money there is no loyalty, but to play for the national team, to kiss the national badge on their shirt. That is every players dream, the pinnacle of their career, to bring glory to the homeland and that is why Messi et al will be straining every sinew, every fibre in their bodies to try and ensure Argentina win.

The problem for the Argies is that they have been so bad until now that even winning this game, will not guarantee them a place in the last sixteen as their fate rests on the outcome of the game between Croatia and Iceland which we will get to shortly.

The Argies are in disarray, the coach is being ignored, he was marching up and down the sidelines in the debacle against Croatia like a man possessed by a demon, radiating panic, not the sort of behaviour you want to see from the teams supposed leader.

A dressing room Putsch has occurred. The players are supposedly going to decide who will play and we know that the goalkeeper against Croatia will probably never play for Argentina again after his horrendous error.

All three goals against the Argies and some great faces of anguish and disbelief


The fat drug addict Maradona is crying in the stands as we saw in the clip and is now demanding to talk to the players before the game today to try and evoke the ghost of Evita to somehow inspire this useless shower of misfits.

Let it be stated, it will be very difficult for the Argies against an excellent Nigerian side who have a good chance of going up with just a draw and therefore will also be playing to the best of their ability.

As I wrote in the group preview Nigeria have always given Argentina a run for their money and tonight is too close to call. This will be a game not too be missed, just because of what is at stake not necessarily because the level will be so good.

Croatia who have already qualified face Iceland and Croatia have already made it clear that they are going to rest their main stars and also players who have picked up a yellow card to ensure they do not receive another one and thus incur a suspension.

If Iceland win and Nigeria draw, Iceland will need to win by three goals to overtake Nigeria on goal difference as in the head to head between them, Nigeria have the advantage.

If Iceland win and Argentina win, then Argentina would need to score two more goals than Iceland to go up. There may be other permutations but it would be far too complicated to list them here.

Let the action begin and the Argies be sent packing back to the pampas with their tails between their legs.

Peninsular wars in Group B while Group A is done and dusted and another instant review of EnGerLand

I have just finished watching EnGerLand demolish the hapless Panamanians six goals to one. I tweeted out during the game (@leedssheepwiggi if you want to follow me) that I had to keep on pinching myself to actually believe what I was seeing and that the important thing to remember was that this was only against Panama.

Given that, it is still very impressive to beat any team six one in a competitive match, it is not supposed to happen these days where all the teams at this level can at least usually defend.

I remember in 1974 when the now defunct Yugoslavia beat the now defunct Zaire nine nil, I kid you not. In those days African football was still a joke as can be seen in this famous clip from the Brazil v Zaire game. Note at the end of the clip the mention of a third now defunct nation. How the world changes.

What was he thinking

Anyway back to EnGerLand, how are the management going to keep the expectations from this team shooting through the roof ? I am sure that at this very moment, people up and down the length of Albion are allowing themselves to dream the dream, think the impossible can happen. Well they should not ! As the famous chant by a well known London team goes in relation to blowing bubbles.
"They fly so high, nearly reach the sky, then like my dreams they fade and die"

On the other hand, this young squad is not tainted with the ghost of past failures and it is important that they do believe they can beat anybody. It is only we, the fans who have to be careful.

One last thought, a lot of babies were sired last night as the young men of EnGerLand all thought they were Harry Kane and could score at will, obviously only after the Colombia Poland game had finished, one must know ones priorities after all. Imagine the baby boom if EnGerLand go on to win.

Obviously we will preview the England game against those Brussels sprouts later this week and in the meantime here is one of the six goals, so you can keep on rubbing your eyes in disbelief.

Not the most amazing, but training coming to fruition

In group A, the two teams who will move on to the next stage have already been decided. Uruguay and surprisingly in one way at least Russia, and they will play each other to see who wins the group. The other game is between Egypt and Saudi Arabia, with the only thing to play for being the bragging rights in the Arab world.

In the preview for this group, we wrote that the only reason Russia had a chance of moving onto the next stage was because they had conveniently been drawn with two very weak teams. Surprise, surprise, they now stand top of the group with two victories and a plus seven goal difference meaning that barring defeat against Uruguay they will win the group. If you hear in the next month or so, of an arms deal with Egypt or Russian pressure on Iran over Syria, do not be too surprised.

Uruguay will be a different proposition for the Russians, they have laboured to two one nil victories over the Arab counties as they have ensured their progress with less panache than the Russians. However as a Uruguayan colleague of mine pointed out to me, Uruguay have only allowed two shots on target in those games, so not so pleasing to the eye, but highly effective.

I have to go with Uruguay for this game, despite all the Russian excitement over their performances so far, Russia are just not very good.

The Egyptian star Mo Salah, has been awarded honorary Chechen citizenship, why does this matter ? To be honest it doesn't, but the Chechen leader, one Ramzan Kadyrov has an incredibly poor record on human rights especially towards the gay community in his country. By accepting this award, Salah has scored an own goal in publicity terms, or maybe not depending on who he is trying to impress.

This game pits the spiritual leader of the Arab world , the Saudis, home to Mecca and Medina, against the more secular leaning leaders of the Arab world Egypt. The Egyptians with their history dating back to the pharaohs consider themselves better than an upstart family of camel herders who happened to be lucky that their newly created country was sitting on the largest oil reserves in the world. There is no love lost between these two nations and it should prove to be a fiery battle which interests no one except themselves and that is a shame.

The teams Russia and Uruguay will face will come from Group B where all is still to play for. In this group, Iran face Portugal whilst Spain will play Morocco.

The fact that Iran even have a chance to advance is an achievement in itself. In their game against Spain they displayed a certain naivety in that, they tried to play for a draw and only once they went behind did they try and play football and score, which they came very close to doing. If they had shown the same belief as the Ayatollahs, the outcome could have been different.

Tonight they are up against Ronaldo and the bell ends, that well known doo wop band. It is not hard to imagine Ronaldo as the lead singer of such a band singing the hit song the Wanderer,  "and when they ask me, which one I love the best, I tear open my shirt and show them Ronaldo on my chest"

Portugal through Ronaldo always seem to find a way to do just enough and while it may be a hard slog, that will probably be what happens tonight.

Morocco are already out of the competition which is probably actually in their favour as they can play freely with no pressure on them and the chance of beating the mighty Spain beckons.

Historically Spain and Morocco have not had the best of relations, dating back to the end of Arab rule in Spain in 1492, with a number of small wars being fought between the two, but today bi-lateral relations are good.

As in the other game, in the end Spain will have too much for Morocco to cope with, but it would be funny if either of the fancied teams came a cropper.

Tomorrow we will look at the finales of Group C and of course the Argies chances in group D

Group H, Poland, Colombia, Japan, Senegal , and an instant review of England's performance

Before we get to the preview, I have to strike while the irons are still hot. This is what I wrote about Tunisia in the preview for England's group, "They are exactly the type of team that England will struggle to beat". However I have just finished watching England, who for once remarkably snatched a victory in the dying seconds of the game.

The adrenaline was pumping as my WhatsApp feed was filled with various audio recordings of delirious England fans signing Vindaloo, where ever they were watching the game.

England failed to win a single game in 2014 making this their first win since 2010 in world cups and then they only managed one in four games. This is the first time since 2006 that they have scored two goals in a world cup game let alone by the same player, so it is understandable that the fans are euphoric at the moment.

The thing now for England is not to let this victory go to their heads, they did not play well especially in the second half and missed so many chances we lost count. They need to regroup and beat Panama in their next game to ensure they move on, taking all the pressure out of the Belgian game and then it will be time for that famous football chant, Que Sara Sara, whatever will be will be... etc.

On to Group H the last to begin, this is an intriguing group, very difficult to predict and especially interesting as England, should they qualify, will be playing against the team who finishes either first or second here.
I would consider this as the other contender for the group of death, the only reason not, being that all four teams are good but none of them really part of the big name teams.

We will begin with Poland, they undoubtedly have a star player in Robert Lewandowski, this is a man who scores goals in his sleep, Poland are very reliant on him but they have a system which works and they should not be counted out. They have not had far to travel and this is something which should be taken into account. They also of course do not like Russia for many reasons which we can get to later in the tournament and will be hoping to at least outdo the Russians in how far they advance.

Scores goals for fun

Next up are Colombia, a team full of all the things we expect from South American teams but also one that has never reached the heights. Of course in James Rodriguez they have a player who scored probably the best goal in 2014 and also this year they have Falcao, another prolific striker, who missed 2014 due to injury. Colombia are a colourful team who bring life to any tournament. Who can forget Rene Higuita, El Loco, the Colombia goalie who did this.

Higuita unorthodox save

Or Carlos Valderrama he of the silky skills and crazy hair (Higuita's Barnett isn't bad)

Imagine washing that

Let's hope Colombia provide more memorable moments

James in 2014

Japan are probably the best of the Asian teams, they have a very good domestic set up, their leading players have been snapped up by top clubs in Europe but like South Korea with whom they co-hosted in 2002, the next generation has yet to really come through. One thing you can be sure of with Japan is that they will never give up because that would be a severe loss of face.

The last of the 32 teams to feature in the previews is Senegal, They have some good players especially Mane who plays for Liverpool are a very physical team who will be able to run and run and on their day they could beat anyone.
A group like this with sides from four different continents with four contrasting styles of play is always interesting and unpredictable.

Well that is it for the previews. We all need a rest, for those of you who actually watch the football, sit back and enjoy and for those whose world cup is lived through this blog, we will return on Monday with the beginning of the deciding games in the group stages as things start to warm up and really get interesting, with such questions as will any of the big names got knocked out already and similar burning issues.

Group G Here we go (again) Belgium, England, Tunisia, Panama

Before, we preview this group, I have to comment on what has been so far. Yes, there have been a number of surprising results although in my previews I did explain, how hard it is for the reigning champions to repeat, the way to stop Brazil and that Argentina are not that good.

Despite the results, I would just like to point out that having one poor result in the group stages is sometimes a good thing for a team. Italy were always the prime example of this, they would struggle to make the next round and then mature like a Gorgonzola as the tournament progressed.

The true test now for Argentina, Brazil and Germany is how they respond to the setbacks they have suffered and that's what make this the greatest tournament in the world.

One other thing in case you have not heard. Sweden sent scouts to spy on South Korea's preparations for their game. So the South Korean coach, cunningly made the players change shirts as he later explained at his pregame press conference. All Asians look the same to Europeans, so we thought we would confuse them.  The very political correct Swedes have of course apologized but I think the plan was worthy of Baldric from Blackadder at his best.

Group G contains Belgium, Panama, Tunisia and of course England. It is now fifty two years since England last won the world cup, that was also the last time they reached the final. I know this well as I am happy to call myself a "boy of 66" as that is the year I was born.

I have lived more years outside of the shores of Blighty than within them, but in sports, England, be it in football, cricket , rugby or tiddlywinks, is still my team for my sins. It helps that the country I reside in is so rubbish at sport, unless you consider wind surfing a sport, that a conflict of interest has never arisen.

The English nation as a whole is used to the cycle (providing they actually qualified) that every four years a swell of unfounded optimism will flood the country, that being, "this is it, this time they are going to do well', until in a display of crushing ineptitude which is often hard to believe to be possible, the illusions come crashing down around them.

This time it is different, nobody expects England to win the world cup, if they reach the Quarter finals they would have done well. (Although with the Brazil and Germany results, the delusions will be growing)  The team is young and led by a relatively inexperienced manager, who in his playing days epitomized the English malaise at this level.

Below you can watch the whole penalty shoot out from the Euro 96 semi final against Germany, just one example of how England always succeed in disappointing. The excitement builds until the inevitable conclusion and the villain of the piece is the current England manager.

Gareth Southgate against Ze Shermans

Belgium are a team awash with stars, many, household names in the English Premier League, but as with so many teams with a plethora of gifted players, they have never successfully gelled into the collective whole able to fulfill the undoubted potential within them. In Kevin de Bruyne and Eden Hazard, there is no doubt that they have two of the most exciting players in the tournament.

Hazard cheeky imp

de Bruyne Baby Faced Assassin

Both Belgium and England will be hoping that by the time they meet, they would have both already qualified for the next stage and will be playing for first place in the group.

Next up we have Tunisia, I will be honest, I do not know much about them, most of their squad play in the Arab leagues, some in lesser teams in France and one is in the Premier league but I have never heard of him. They are exactly the type of team that England will struggle to beat, probably very tenacious with players knowing that a good showing could get them a lucrative contract at an English Premier League side, as they would probably be a cheap option for those said sides.

Panama are the Cinderella at this years ball, they are happy to be there, will enjoy the occasion and will make an early exit to avoid turning into pumpkins. They qualified thanks to a last minute goal against Costa Rica and the stunning loss by the USA to Trinidad and Tobago.

Check back tomorrow for the last of the group previews. Feel free to comment and remember to share with your friends.

Mercedes meets Volvo, Hyundai and have a Taco for lunch Group F Preview

This group is made up of the reigning champions Ze Shermans (as Jason Statham's character in the film Snatch calls them)  Sweden, Mexico and South Korea.

Four years ago, Die Nationalmannschaft as they are known in Germany became the first European team to win a world cup in South America. In the modern era and that is more than fifty years ago, no team has won consecutive world cups, the last to do so being Brazil in 1958 and then 1962. (Italy also achieved it in 1934 and 38 but that is not really counted as the game has changed so much)

There are two questions that need to be addressed here and the answer to one probably  reflects on the answer to the second. Why is it so hard to win consecutive trophy's and can Germany do it anyway.

It is hard because of the gap between tournaments, four years is a long time. It is very rare in a truly competitive league that a team wins two years running let alone three. (we will not stoop to use that awful Americanism for winning three in a row) The turn over in players is high and it is nigh on impossible to keep to the level of consistency needed to win with such a gap.

But of course, I can hear you say, this is Die Nationalmannschaft, Ze Shermans, normal rules do not apply to them, they are a well oiled machine with a seamlessly interchange of personnel who strike fear into most opponents. For example the player who scored the winning goal four years ago "super Mario Gotze" has not even been included in the squad this time round.

Super Mario against Argentina 2014 Final

That is all true and for that reason, I expect them to make the semi finals at least. In cloud cuckoo land they will lose to England in the quarter finals, but hey you have to hope.

Sweden, are in a rebuilding phase after the retirement of one Zlatan Ibrahimovic, a player of unbelievable ability. This is a team built on defence, they do not concede many, but without Zlatan, they have lost their "X" factor and have reverted to type, a Volvo of a team, solid but unspectacular.

They are like an IKEA flat pack, build, build, build and there is always that piece that is left over that you don't know what to do with. For Sweden that is an analogy for getting the ball to the edge of the box and then not knowing how to put it in the net.
They might still have enough to get to the last sixteen, but if the game between Mexico and South Korea ends in a positive result, they will need to beat one of them, so we will have to wait and see.
Here is a compilation of Zlatan's ten best goals just to remind us what we will be missing.

Gems from Zlatan

Mexico, are an enigma, they have been an ever present since 1994 and they were banned in 1990 for fielding ineligible players in an U20 game. They have progressed to the last 16 every time they have played since 1986, but that is it. They have never managed to take it to the next level. The most we remember about Mexico as I mentioned previously is the bloody wave. They might struggle this time to qualify, but do not bet against them.

Last but not least is South Korea, who knows, this might be the last time we ever see South Korea in a tournament, what with the winds of change emanating from Pyongyang. This is a relatively experienced team but this may prove to be one world cup too many for some of these players and I do not expect South Korea to borrow an expression from cricket, to trouble the scorers very much

Two more previews to come and tomorrow we will feature group G and En Ger Land

Brazil Nuts, Swiss Chocolate ,Costa Rican coffee and Serbia along for the ride Group E Preview

The tournament is now in full swing and the two teams we are all waiting to see, Brazil in this group and Germany the reigning champions in Group F start their campaigns today

Brazil are joined by Switzerland, Costa Rica and Serbia.

Brazil as opposed to " Ze Shermans" are most neutrals favourite team. If you asked football fans and even those not so interested, who they liked best, after or even before their own national team, the answer would be Brazil.

They bring such a joie de vivre to the game that it is infectious in its enthusiasm. The football pulses with the samba beat for which the country is synonymous with as they glide effortlessly over the pitch with the ball seemingly glued to their feet.  Below you can see the latest example as Neymar the latest in a long line of Brazilians to wear that number ten shirt, strokes the ball into the goal against Austria.

Neymar against Austria

While mentioning names, the Brazilians have an interesting approach to that, who can forget Pele, Zico or even Socrates who was far removed from his Greek namesake in his style of play. The thing about these names is that often, they have no, at least to an outsider, relationship to their real name,

For example, Pele was born Edson Arantes do Nascimento which is a bit of a mouthful so Pele it is. They also to English ears at least have some amusing abbreviations, for instance Hulk or this time round Fred. If Brazil get to face England, the English fans are going to have a field day with Fagner, the mind boggles as to the songs there will be.

Next up are Switzerland, the Swiss as would be expected from a country known for its precision watches, have become in recent years an effective if somewhat underwhelming team, they are efficient but boring reflecting the Swiss personality, the reason they have got anywhere is the influx of players of none Swiss extraction, who have brought a different mentality and skill set to Swiss football.

Costa Rica are a team that surprised many in the previous world cup by advancing to the last sixteen in a group which included Italy and England (Perhaps not such a surprise then). They have a system which they stick to but I would be surprised if they enjoy the same level of success this time

This leaves us with Serbia, if there is one way to put a spoke in the wheels of the Brazilian juggernaut, it is by attempting to kick them off the park and Serbia are just the team to do that. It has happened in the past, as much as I disliked Maradona, the treatment and the lack of protection from referees he received was scandalous.

I do not want people to think that I consider all East European teams of being agricultural in their approach. I would never accuse Poland or in its day the great Hungary of that style of play, but Serbia are a thuggish looking team who could cause problems, especially if a weak referee is assigned to their games, one who will turn a blind eye to their robust attitude to what is supposed to be known as the beautiful game.

Anyway, Brazil and Switzerland should advance from this group.

One of the contenders for the group of Death - Group D preview

Before the draw for the world cup was made in December, I published an ante draw special and this is what was written there.

I will now pick what I think would be the so called group of death

Brazil
Spain
Iceland
Nigeria

I can hear the cacophony of dissenters saying but that is only two of the four teams as this group consists of the last two plus Argentina and Croatia, but for a group of death to exist, it is the teams ranked third and fourth which are the most vital.

Croatia are many pundits choice as the dark horse of the competition, (that means a team that nobody expected to do well who does). Since their appearance on the international stage after the break up of Yugoslavia in the nineteen nineties, they have been just below the top level of world football and are a team that nobody looks forward to playing against. Their best finish was third in the nineteen ninety eight cup.

Iceland are playing in their first world cup after making an exciting debut on the international stage in the European championships two years ago. If they can reproduce that level of performance here, they are going to be upsetting some apple carts.

As the name suggests Iceland is a cold little island in the middle of the Atlantic with a population of around 340,000 people which means it has the smallest pool of players to pick from of all the teams. Iceland displayed a tenacity on the field which surprised their opponents but it was in the stands that their true input was felt with the viking clap.

Mexico 86 brought us the wave, Euro 2016 the Viking clap, who can forget those awful Vuvuzelas from South Africa 2010. What will we as fans take home from Russia 2018?

Welcome home Viking clap 2016

Nigeria have an interesting record in the world cup and the most notable fact here is that this will be the fifth time in six appearances that Nigeria are drawn in the same group as Argentina. Nigeria have lost on all four occasions to date, although they have given the Argentinians a run for their money each time. Nigeria have successfully reached the last sixteen, three times out of five which just goes to show how difficult this group may be when you figure in Croatia and Iceland.

Last but not least we have Argentina, and here I must put in a disclaimer, I admit to not liking Argentina but not for any of the reasons you might think, the Falklands War, having given safe haven to loads of Nazis, being the inspiration for a West End Musical.

No, my reasons are purely football based. They start with one Antonio Rattin, a dirty player who featured in the 1966 world cup and who was labelled as an animal by the then England manager.

They do not deserve to have won two world cups, in 1978 along with the Junta, they used every dirty trick in the book to win and in 1986, well, Maradona and the hand of God goal, need I say more. Do not comment that his second goal was one of the best ever scored. If he had not cheated and punched in the first one, he would never have scored the good one.

Another example from 1998, Diego Simione making a meal of falling over after David Beckham retaliated (I admit foolishly, but Becks was never known as the brightest spark on the block) and getting Becks sent off

Simione on Beckham

Despite all that, one must not lets ones prejudices cloud ones writings and I hope it will be so.

As we wrote about Portugal and Ronaldo, so it is true about Argentina and Lionel Messi. Argentina are not a very good team at the moment but in Messi they have arguably one of the best two footballers currently playing, the other being Ronaldo.

One of the biggest arguments in football today is who is the better player of the two. I personally do not think you can make a decision based on skills alone. They play in different positions and have different abilities, and therefore you can not say one is better than other because they are both the best at what they do.

However if you look at the larger picture, I know where I stand. One of the biggest criticisms of Messi is that he was won nothing at international level. The things that annoy people about Ronaldo are what makes him the more important player.

To put it simply, when you surround either of them with lesser players, who will make the most of the situation and drag those other players to heights they would not normally achieve. I think the answer is obvious and that is why I do not think that Argentina are one of the favourites for the tournament.

Lots of football to go and we were off at least goals wise to a good start in the first game.

The previews for groups E & F will appear on Sunday morning, so until then Dasvidaniya.

Frogs leg, Roos, Incas and Mermaids Group C Preview

We now move onto group C comprising of the national teams of France, Australia, Peru and Denmark, this is a much harder group to predict and should also hopefully provide us with some interesting football.

The French are an enigma, pound for pound to use an analogy drawn from the world of boxing they have one of the best squads in the tournament, however that moody Gallic temperament gets in their way and as so often happened in French history, the white flag is raised at an early stage and recriminations abound as to who was to blame.
Will it be any different this time ?  I certainly fancy the French to be there or thereabouts as hard as that is for me to admit in public.

Growing up, my knowledge of Peru was limited to Paddington Bear and Tintin and the Prisoners of the Sun and that I had a classmate who had somehow been born in Lima. This was until as a twelve year old in 1978, Peru qualified for the world cup held in Argentina. They were drawn in the same group as the Tartan army otherwise known as Scotland which meant it was compulsory to watch that game as it is nice to know when you can be guaranteed a laugh, i.e. watching Scotland play.

The player who wore the number 10 shirt in any team was always my favourite, unless of course he was Argentinian, and Peru had a real gem in Teofilo Cubillas who scored one of the best free kicks in world cup history in my humble opinion as Peru defeated Scotland three goals to one.

Unfortunately that world cup will always be remembered as the one where Peru conveniently lost six nothing to Argentina, but as that is a possible match up in the next round, I will leave it at that and let you enjoy this wonderful piece of skill.

Cubillas against Scotland

A mention must also be made of the Scottish keepers Hairdo. What was he thinking ?

The Australian team are know as the Socceroos, seriously. Football in Australia usually refers to what they call Aussie Rules football or Footie for short, which to the casual observer would appear to be a misnomer as there do not seem to be any rules, or at least those which the uninitiated can understand.

They qualified this time by scraping through a play off against that well known power house Syria. A week after they qualified their coach resigned and we do not really know what to expect from the new coach.

However to be fair dinkum,  in general, Australians are a competitive bunch and love their sport, for example, they have a national sheep shearing competition and it would not surprise me if they have "a how many shrimps can you cook on the Bar B while chugging a tinny competition". It must get quite boring living so far away from civilization and only having New Zealanders for company. Despite all that they have been involved in a number of interesting games in world cup history as well as have one great goal to their name.

In 2006 Australia were involved in a game against Croatia, where the English referee Graham Poll mistakenly showed three yellow cards to a Croatian player, which should of course never have happened because a second yellow card translates to a red one and a sending off. The goal I refer to was scored by Tim Cahill in the last World Cup.

Cahill against Holland 2014

Last but not least we have Denmark, the Danes are nice people, well at least today they are, but ask a resident of Northern Britain or  France in the ninth century and the mere mention of the Danes would have them quaking in their boots. They were masters of the lighting attack, pillage and plunder and of course one other thing, that we do not need to mention here.

Denmark have only played in four tournaments but they have been involved in some high scoring games. In 1986 they beat Uruguay six-one before losing five-one themselves in the next round.
In 1998 they beat Nigeria four-one before losing three-two to Brazil.

In Norse mythology, Loki was the wily trickster of the gods and apparently according to my children, has become known to a wider audience thanks to the Marvel comics recent films.

Both those Danish squads were gifted with a magical player, one of the Laudrup brothers and this edition of the Danish squad is also blessed with another incarnation of Loki in the form of Christian Eriksen. So that we may all enjoy, may his exploits resonate in Valhalla..

An Iberian tussle with a Persian twist (Group B preview)

Group B consists of Portugal, the current European champions, Spain with whom they share the Iberian peninsula, and who were World and European champions in 2010 and 2012 respectively. Morocco, who are appearing for the first time since 1998 and which at its nearest point is only 8.9 miles (14.3 km) from Spain across the Straits of Gibraltar, which makes this, at least geographically, the tightest of the groups. Last but not least we have Iran.

We have a number of rivalries, Shiite Iran, doesn't have very good relations with mainly Sunni Morocco.  In fact Morocco has accused Iran of supporting the Polisario rebels in their struggle with Morocco for control of the Western Sahara, what was once known as the Spanish Sahara, although why anyone would be interested in such a place with no natural reserves unless of course you count any excess of sand useful is beyond me.

Spain and Portugal while good neighbours today, were colonial rivals mainly during the exploration and conquest of  South America and to a lesser extent in Africa, which is why today most South American countries speak a form of Spanish while Brazilian is Portuguese based.  However they do have an intense football rivalry especially in recent years.

For the past decade or so Portugal have been synonymous with one player, Christiano Ronaldo, aka CR7 . There is no doubt that he has a wonderful range of skills which span the footballing rainbow. He has the capability to leap like a spawning salmon when going for headers and then muscles of iron in his neck as he powers the said headers. He used to be blessed with electric pace although age maybe is taking its toll a tad. He strikes free kicks and other dead balls with a power and accuracy that is hard to match and he has an unerring knack of finding the net, but  I will be honest, I detest him. He is the worse kind of poser, with his He Man celebration after a goal and his crying whining persona when things don't go his way.  Jealousy at his talent, maybe, but there is no being neutral with CR7. You either love him or hate him

Typical Ronaldo pose

Spain have always been a joy to watch but until the world cup of 2010 they had always flattered to deceive. Since their victory in that world cup they have added more substance to their frippery and have improved in the dark arts of the game, which a team needs to be good at if they are going to be successful over time. We referred to Sergio Ramos yesterday in the group A preview. He is the captain of Spain who has represented his country on more than one hundred and fifty occasions which is a staggering figure for an outfield player and which just shows how good he has been for so long. If he were a character in Harry Potter, he would definitely be the captain of the Slytherin Quidditch team. He also has plenty of Dark Marks for those who understand the reference. Here is just an example.

Just one of many

The crazy events of yesterday have forced me to add a few more lines. Two days ago the Spanish coach was appointed by Real Madrid to be their next manager, so what's the big deal I hear you say.  As I wrote above, Spain had never reached their full potential until 2010 and one of the main causes of this was the rivalry between the players of Barcelona and Real Madrid.

The Spanish manager at the time Vicente del Bosque who by the way for his success in doing the impossible was made the first Marquis of del Bosque by the Spanish king, was able to weld the might of Barcelona and Real into a unified unstoppable force despite the friction between the Catalans of Barcelona and the Spaniards of Madrid, which as we know has flared again recently and been brought to the worlds attention

So going back to the manager, yesterday he was sacked by Spain, two days before they face their biggest rival, Portugal. The reason given by the head of the Spanish football association was that he took the Madrid job without letting the Spanish FA know and that apparently put his nose out of joint. That may well be true, but dig deep enough and I am sure that you will find the old rivalries rearing their ugly heads in the Spanish dressing room.

The bookies and supposed pundits have lengthened the Spanish odds on winning the tournament, given that under the sacked manager they were unbeaten in twenty games. I am not so sure if it will have a negative impact, only time will tell, but it is something they definitely could have done without.

Del Bosque or as I call him the Walrus

As I mentioned earlier the other two teams in this group, Morocco and Iran in reality should just be considered as making up the numbers, but they should still not be taken lightly. All teams will feel that Spain are there for the taking. Of course now that I have put that in print one of them will cause a surprise. The battle between them will be for bragging rights in the who makes the best carpets competition. Neither have covered themselves with glory in previous tournaments. Iran have one victory and one draw in thirteen attempts and Morocco have two victories and four draws in the same amount of games.

Tomorrow two groups to preview with teams such as Les Blues and the Argies among them.
Remember

Teddy's Bears Picnic (Group A Preview)

If you go down to the woods today, you're sure of a big surprise,
If you go down to the woods today .you'd better go in disguise.
Because today's the day, the teddy bears have their picnic.
(Poetic license it starts tomorrow)

The Russian bear invites the world to join it in a feast of football, and the hope is that we will be able to see the wood for the trees and participate in the fun.

Group A contains the hosts Russia, along with Egypt, Saudi Arabia and Uruguay. Now even those of you who have no football knowledge may realize that does not seem a very exciting collection of teams. Those who do have a little background will know that apart from perhaps Uruguay, none of these teams are contenders for the title.

Despite that, there are always interesting subplots for your faithful servant to bring to you, and I hope to successfully to achieve this.

I usually try to avoid too many facts and figures as they are often not that relevant in a wider picture, but here I have to make an exception.

Russia, Egypt and Saudi Arabia are the three lowest ranked teams in the tournament. The conspiracy theory aficionados will claim that this was set up to give the Russians a ghost of a chance to advance to the next stage, However, we all know that FIFA, the governing body of football is  a virtuous organization which has never been tinted with any trace of corruption so this must be just a crackpot theory.... or is it.

Since the break up of the old Soviet Union, the newly formed Russia does not have a very good international record, in fact they were only a little better before the dissolution. As with their recent clumsy attempts at silencing Sergei Skripal an ex spy living in England with a nerve agent, or the poison tipped umbrella used to kill Bulgarian dissident Georgi Markov, the Russians have never been a subtle people, the hammer and sickle was an apt emblem which reflected their character and so it is with their football team.

It is only the fact, that we really don't know what to expect from Saudi Arabia and Egypt, that the Russians may have any chance of advancing at all. The Russians play the opening match of the tournament against Saudi Arabia, a country which only officially came into existence in 1930 the year of the first world cup, and who will be making their fifth appearance in a finals tournament. They have two wins in thirteen attempts but can boast one of the best goals scored in a finals.

Saudi Arabian goal from 1994

Next up, we have Egypt who have in their ranks one of the best players in the world at the moment, one Mohammed Salah. (pronounced sa'LACH) His participation in the finals was put in doubt when he was cynically/accidentally  fouled (opinion is divided) by Spanish hard man Sergio Ramos in the recent champions league final.

Arab world reaction to Salah injury


There is no doubt what Egyptians thought about it and I imagine that the rest of the Arab world was also looking on in horror as he went down(apart from the Saudis who were probably blessing their lucky stars)

There is no doubt that he is a gifted player and we should all hope he is fully fit and able to perform. Below is a link to his recent goals in the champions league semi final for Liverpool against Roma, the Arabic commentary is particularly worth listening to and I shall give a brief translation afterwards.

Salah 2 goals in Arabic

The commentator is saying, I want you to be the father to my grandchildren, I want you to marry my daughters, in fact never mind that, I just want you to be the father to my grandchildren.

In the recent presidential elections in Egypt, more than one million voters wrote Salah's name on their ballot slip, unfortunately for them he was not a candidate.

Last but not least are Uruguay, who should be favourites to win this group. They have won the tournament twice although not since 1950, but they should have two much attacking prowess with the man who likes to bite defenders when they annoy him, Luis Suarez and the man who sounds like a fashion designer and looks like a male model Edison Cavani

Suarez enjoying a tasty snack

Male model

They also have one of the best defenders in the world, Diego Godin who plays for the other Madrid team Athletico, probably too much nous for this group.


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Tomorrow we will have the previews for groups B and C.

Intro

Are you sitting comfortably? Good then I’ll begin.

Only two days to go, hopefully for the next month or so, we can forget Trump and Kim (not Kardashian) Korea, Syria, Iran, in fact all the worlds hot spots and lunatics and concentrate on football, which is what we hope the nations mentioned above will be doing as well.

The format is the same as last time but I have reproduced it here for new readers or those who may have forgotten because they do not really care.

The only change, from four years ago was to remove the word “North” when referring to America, because as we all know the good ole US of A missed out on qualification to Panama, revenge for General Noriega.

There are five teams from Africa, five from South America, four from Central America, five from Asia and Australasia with thirteen countries from Europe rounding out the thirty two.

In the first round, each team will play one game, against the other teams in their group, with there being three points for a win and one for a draw. If two teams finish level on points, the places will be determined by what is known as goal difference, i.e. how many goals scored for against goals conceded.

The top two sides from each group will proceed into the last sixteen which is a straight knockout, the equivalent for our American readers of the sweet 16 in college basketball. We then have eight teams left in the quarter-finals (elite 8) which will be whittled down to four who will play in the semifinals (final 4) and then two who will contest the final.

Unbelievably, there is still the rather arcane game between the two losers of the semi-finals to see who will finish third, who cares, even I cannot remember who that dubious honour went to four years ago.

Unfortunately, as is often the case these days, the host Nation be it in the World Cup or the Olympics sometimes has, let us say some image issues. Things that they would rather not have the world's attention drawn to, such as poor Human Rights, (China) very high murder and crime rates (S Africa) or massive poverty at home (Brazil) and therefore a huge effort is put on by the host to deflect the world from these issues by controlled media and photo opportunities.

Russia’s issues tend to be of a more foreign nature, the contretemps with Ukraine and their recent annexation of Crimea, their support of President Assad, the list is too long for this article and it is not really the point here.

No, the issue that the Russians are worried about domestically having a negative PR effect on the tournament, is hooliganism.

Below is a two minute clip of a clash between Russian and English fans, at the Euros in France in 2016.  I have to warn you this clip is not for the faint hearted, the images are disturbing and the language… well what you would normally hear at a football match, so for those of you who are sensitive to such things perhaps watch with the volume muted.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5l3ZSppq6fg

The modern Russian hooligan is well trained, committed and fearless, and as with most of their ilk, the football is secondary to the violence and bragging rights. These are seriously hard men. In an interesting move, it was recently announced that the Russians have drafted in Cossack troops to deal with any outbreaks of hooliganism. Cossack's were known for their brutality and dedication to duty. It will be interesting to see how and if this develops.

Anyway, on with the show, my usual irreverence will return soon, so stay tuned for the first of the group previews starting with Group A consisting of Russia, Egypt, Saudi Arabia and Uruguay which will appear tomorrow followed by another seven posts  one for each group.

I will then return with previews of the deciding games in the group stages and all the games in the knockout rounds.  


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